


fade (until i'm gone)

by parkrstark



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, But he's not like dead or anything, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Depression, F/M, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Kinda, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Soulmates, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Protective Tony Stark, Relapsing, Sleepy Peter Parker, Suicidal Thoughts, There are a lot of characters and relationships but I don't want to spam tags, Threats of Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2019-09-02 13:42:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 38,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16788076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/pseuds/parkrstark
Summary: Three years after half of the universe disappeared, Peter is back. He's the key to reversing the snap...but Tony is the only one that can see him.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I've been so excited for this project for months...yes, this was my Big Bang, but after real life screwed me over, I realized I wouldn't be able to finish this fic on time with the amount of love it deserves. So, I'm making it just another fic! I've got 35k written and I'll continue as I update, hopefully weekly right now. 
> 
> This fic was inspired by my need for a "ghost fic" where Peter was still there, watching over Tony. With a little twist, whump, angst, iron dad, and lots of other parkrstark bullshit. i hope you enjoy this as much as i am...when i tell you, i've never more excited for a fic idea, you have to realize how fucking STOKED I am to be posting this. I've been bugging Kat about it for actual months so it's finally coming together and I'm so happy :')  
> The title of this fic was taken from the sone: Far From Home (The Raven) by Sam Tinneesz, the "theme song" of this fic... give it a listen! (Seriously...it's amazing)
> 
> I have so many thanks to give to @losingmymindtonight...you're my rock and I love you. You've kept me going, you've listened to me scream about this shit...this fic wouldn't be what it is without you. So thank you, you beautiful bitch. 
> 
> **Disclaimer:** If any of the Infinity Stone/Mystics arts/nitty gritty parts of this fic seem ridiculous....it's because it probably is. I'm not an expert in any of that stuff... Please take it for what it is....fanfiction written by an emotionally unstable college student. Please go easy on me. 
> 
> I'll stop wasting your time...enjoy, my kiddos.

The world was a mess.

And then Thanos happened and the world was an even bigger mess.

Half of the world was just...gone.

At first, it had been too terrifying to even comprehend why half of the world’s population had just disappeared. Children lost parents. Parents lost children. There was no rhyme or reason to the killing.

The world was in shambles. Both by all of the lives stolen from Thanos’ snap and then the others caused by the snap. Accidents like planes crashes, cars colliding, trains derailing-- because suddenly, the person in control wasn’t there anymore.

It had taken months, but people had started to move on and accept what happened. Families mourned. Memorials were held. Cities were rebuilt. It was exactly what Thanos wanted. Most of the world had come to terms with the tragedies. They still suffered from the pain of losing so many loved ones, but they understood nothing could be done. They moved on with their lives.

However, there was still a small group of people that believed the other half was coming back. They _had_ to be coming back. Most of the ones that believed this were deemed “insane” by the others and sent to _more_ therapy.

Because life sucks, but you have to keep going.

...Right?

Not to Tony Stark. Tony wasn’t apart of the majority that had accepted Thanos’ win. He wasn’t even the small minority that was searching for a way to undo it all. He was the even smaller percentage that barely got out of bed in the morning. He was barely able to keep breathing day after day.

He wasn’t one of the unlucky souls that lost everyone. In fact, he had been pretty lucky with the amount of family he still had left. He only lost one person in the snap, after all. Rhodey was still kicking, stopping by the lab to make sure he actually ate. Pepper was practically running the entire company now, handling _everything_ for Tony. Happy stuck around and joined Tony on a few of his nights when drinking away the pain had seemed like the best option (Happy lost his mother and his big sister in the snap).

But Peter...the brightest person on the entire planet was gone.

The world continued to spin, time continued to tick...all without Peter Parker in the world. Tony didn’t understand how that was possible. It wasn’t fair. That kid had so much potential to change the world. Tony really thought there’d be a day when Peter’s name was more popular than Tony’s-- he'd take the world by storm with his ideas. But now, that chance was ripped away from him. He was just another name on a wall.

He wasn’t even going to be remembered for how brave he was. How he, at just sixteen-years-old, had faced that _monster_. No one would ever even know. They wouldn’t know because they’d never met Peter.

On the bad nights, Tony envied them the most...the ones that had never gotten a chance to know Peter. He wished he had never met that kid-- not because he dragged him into this mess in the first place, but because he was selfish and if he had never met him, he’d never know a pain as great as this.

He had admitted this to Rhodey one night when he was sure he was going to die. It was the 1 year anniversary of the snap and Tony was tired of living when Peter wasn’t able to. Rhodey had found him lying on the cold floor, near unconsciousness with tear-stained cheeks. He couldn’t remember much of the night, but he remembered Rhodey holding him close, telling him that he didn’t really believe it-- he would never give up those years of knowing the kid. And Tony realized that it fucking sucked not having that kid here anymore, but every moment he shared with him...he wouldn’t give them up for anything else in the world.

_I could have missed the pain, but I’d have to miss the dance._

But now, he mostly just wanted the kid back. He wanted him here by his side, working in the lab, watching movies, ranting about how the _Star Wars_ reboots were ruining everything. He just wanted him _here._

But he wasn’t. He was gone and he took every piece of Tony with him.

Which was why he was laying on the couch in the lab with a blanket pulled over his head, trying his best to ignore the world. He heard DUM-E rolling around close by, but other than that, the lab was almost silent. He hadn’t turned on a television to watch since it went back to normal.

All of the different shows continuing on like half of their audience wasn’t missing. Talk show hosts picking fun at celebrities. Stand up comedians telling their jokes. Listening to them laugh like nothing was wrong. Tony couldn’t do it.

“Yes, I’m aware of that--.” Pepper’s voice suddenly disrupted his thoughts as she opened the door into the lab. Tony stuck his head further into the couch. “That is not your place to say.” Her voice was annoyed and stern. She’d been dealing with a lot of shit ever since Tony Stark went MIA.

Tony stayed silent, waiting for her to come over and see him ‘sleeping’ on the couch. Maybe she’d leave him alone.

“He’s been through-- _yes,_ I know we’ve _all_ been through a lot, but he’s taking it harder than others. It’s not anyone’s place to rush his grieving.” She was probably talking to a company Stark Industries worked with. She’d been on his back, _patiently,_ telling him that people were tired of waiting. Pepper was making sure the business ran smoothly, but without any new technology or ideas...there would be no business to run.

The blanket was lifted off of his face and carefully laid back to cover the lower part of his body. Pepper sighed softly and brushed a strand of hair behind his ear. She thought he was sleeping. He was going to keep it that way.

“He’s not available. When he’s ready to come back, he will. He has no one to answer to-- especially not you. If you have a problem with this, then you can find another company, but with the rate you were going before our help, I don’t suggest it.” She paused, presumably for the other person to speak. “That’s what I thought. Goodbye. Have a good day.”

Tony held his breath as he heard Pepper kneel by him. She sighed softly as she ran her fingers through his greasy hair. “Oh, Tony,” she whispered, “I wish there was something I could do to make the pain go away.”

He was grateful his eyes were already shut because he felt them burning with the promise of tears. Tears because he remembered when his mother would come to kneel by his bed and whisper to him on the days he was sick.

She pressed a kiss to his forehead and for a moment, Tony pretended he was seven-years-old again and his mother was there kissing all of his worries away. “I love you, Tony.” _I love you too, Ma._

Pepper left and Tony fell back into a fitful sleep, the sound of his mother singing to him slowly fading away.

He wasn’t sure when it really started. He probably should have been keeping notes on shit like this, but he had other things to worry about (AKA: he was really too depressed to even care). So, things were moved around his lab and every so often, he’d hear an unexplainable noise. He often assumed it was just one of his bots.

Until, one morning, after Pepper had come down again to try and encourage him to at least leave the tower, and Tony saw the chair across the room roll just a bit closer to him. It was only a few inches, barely noticeable, but it was something.

“Hey, DUM-E, you see that?” He asked, never taking his eyes off of the chair.

DUM-E beeped and whirred as he moved closer to the chair. He wasn’t far away from it to start with. The chair...it belonged to Peter. That had been _his_ chair that stayed by _his_ desk whenever he came to the lab to work. It was the only rolly chair in the entire room because Peter loved to go rolling around the lab floor with the bots. A few times, he had taken the turns too fast and sent himself crashing to the ground which concerned each bot and Tony, but he was always back up on his feet in a moment with a wide grin.

Tony’s heart hurt at the memory. He turned back to the bottle on his desk and brought it up to his lips.

The bottle was empty before long.

It continued on. Only in Peter’s section of the lab, though. Tony didn’t think it was a funny joke of whoever the hell was behind it. But no one besides for Rhodey, Pepper, and Happy had ever been down here in a while. None of them would find a joke like that funny. They knew how hard Tony took Peter’s death.

But, maybe it was him...Maybe it was all in his head and he was missing Peter so much he was imagining a presence at his table. Surely, everyone around him would believe he was crazy enough. He hadn’t even bothered with a therapist. How was he supposed to sit on a couch and listen to someone that had no idea what it was like to hold their kid as he cried and begged before disappearing?

And to be one of the heroes responsible for not stopping it from happening…

There was no fixing him. Not until Peter was by his side again. And if he never did again...then Tony was a lost cause. He didn’t care. The thought made him laugh. Tony Stark: billionaire, superhero, genius, who had all the fame and fortune anyone could ever need really had nothing. Yinsen had pointed it out years ago, but that was before. That was before he got a control on his life and realized all he could have-- Pepper, Rhodey, Happy...and eventually, Peter.

But he lost a quarter of his family. Peter was gone. And so was the entirety of his happiness.

Tony poured another shot of whiskey-- it was the cheap and gross kind because he’d gone through his good stash within the first months after the snap. He held up the small glass to the ceiling...to Peter. “Until I see you again, squirt.” He threw back the shot and swallowed the drink, the burning of his throat welcomed.

This kind of pain was better than the one that had gripped his heart over a year ago on Titan and hadn’t let go since.


	2. you are the reason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today's chapter is titled with the song "You Are the Reason" by Calum Scott.... (my chapters will be titles from songs that would be this fic's "soundtrack" so if you want some music to cry to...check them out!

“Butters, c’mon, buddy, you know he’s not coming. We’ve been over this,” Tony sighed heavily, hating this day the most. The first Friday of the month. This was when Peter always came over right after school to spend the weekend working on his suit. 

He’d come and stay over more than just this particular weekend each month, but this was the constant. After May had found out Peter’s second identity, she’d known that Peter wasn’t giving Spider-Man up. So, she compromised. As long as Tony met with Peter monthly to go over the suit in order to make sure there were no malfunctions and go over any other concerns to do with patrolling, Peter was allowed to continue.

Tony actually had May to thank for growing so close to the kid. It was those monthly sessions that turned to weekly get-togethers that were more than just for Spider-Man. Before long, it was more than just Iron Man and Spider-Man; it was Tony and Peter. 

The two of them against the world. They won every time: against villains, against Peter’s bad days and Tony’s bad days, against nightmares, against insomnia, against the computers in the video games they played. Peter and Tony won every time because they had each other. Alone, it was impossible. Together, they could do anything. Tony could talk about his mom. Peter could stand up to Flash. Tony could smother the self-hatred burning inside of him. Peter could get a night’s rest without memories haunting his dreams. 

Only because they were together. 

So, how was Tony expected to keep going without his little man? The one that had a smile that could wipe away any stress, a laugh that could chase away the fear, and a hug that could melt away the doubt. 

The answer was simple. He couldn’t. 

But, here he was...19 months later and still kicking. Barely. He knew it was mostly because Pepper would actually bring him back from the dead to kill him again if he ever tried anything as stupid as the thoughts in his head on the Bad Days. But, really, he saw firsthand what leaving did to the people that loved them. He wasn’t about to put Pepper, Rhodey, or Happy through that pain again. 

And if he were gone, who would take care of his bots? The only other person that cared about DUM-E, Butters, and U like he did was Peter...and for obvious reasons, he couldn’t pick up the role if Tony were gone. 

Speaking of the bots, as much as he loved them, they were idiots. Butters was waiting by the elevator like he always did since the tradition started. U is by his desk, cleaning it up for Peter. DUM-E was by the couch where his books and papers were  _ still  _ thrown around the floor. 

Tony still could remember the day Peter realized that the bots were never taught how to read. Tony assured him that it was apart of his programming to just  _ understand  _ words, but Peter didn’t like that. He wanted to teach the bots all about numbers and the alphabet and science and history-- it was actually kinda adorable when Peter used to sit criss-cross applesauce with DUM-E and attempt to teach him the basics of elementary school. 

He opened the invitation to all the bots, but DUM-E was the only one that could sit still through an entire lesson and focus. Tony was surprised Peter was able to, honestly. 

He was beeping away as he stared down at his alphabet chart. Tony was ignoring it at first until his ears picked up on a beep he hadn’t heard in a long, long time. He whipped his head over to stare at the bot as he beeped again.  _ Peter.  _

“DUM-E, stop that. He’s not here.”

DUM-E continued to beep.  _ Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter.  _ He was looking at Tony like he was trying to get his attention. 

“Yes, Peter got that stuff for you, but screaming will not bring him back.”  _ Trust me, I’ve tried.  _

He didn’t stop beeping. 

Tony groaned and walked over to where DUM-E was starting to roll back and forth in agitation. He patted his bot’s head softly and said, “Okay, I’m here. I know it’s hard, DUM, but--.” He froze when the smallest movement caught his eyes. 

On the large alphabet map on the ground, a red crayon was rolling around. Tony looked around, waiting for someone to jump and laugh. But he was alone. “Uh...DUMs, do you see that too?”

The crayon rolled off the mat until it hit Tony’s shoe. 

“Okay,” Tony said quickly, jumping up on the couch. “That’s creepy.” The crayon rolled closer. “FRIDAY, run scans-- do something. Just find out what the fuck is going on.” 

“What am I supposed to do, boss?” 

“Find out what the hell is going on. Am I crazy? Can you run some brain scans?” Tony asked, his eyes still watching the crayon. It was rolling back towards the alphabet map. 

“I see it too.” 

Tony looked up at the ceiling in shock. “You do?” 

“Yes. The crayon is moving on its own accord,” FRIDAY replied, not sounding as alarmed as she should. 

Tony looked back down at the crayon as it rolled from the M and didn't stop until it landed on the R. Tony frowned as he watched it start moving towards the S, then the T. These letters were all close, so it could have been a coincidence, but then it started towards the A. He knew what was being spelled, but that didn't stop the shock when the crayon finished its journey. It went from the A to the R and finally, to the K. 

_ Mr. Stark.  _ Only one person called him Mr. Stark. But that was impossible...there was no way…

Tony took a step off of the couch to kneel by the mat. He felt himself shaking as he asked hesitantly, “Peter?” 

The crayon moved again.  _ Y-E-S.  _

Tony's eyes widened. “Holy shit.  _ Holy shit.”  _ He ran a hand through his hair. “What the hell-- this is some Ouija Board shit.” He tried to search the empty space in front of him. “You're really Peter?”

_ Y-E-S.  _

“How do I know-- how do I know you're not something trying to trick me?” He hoped not. God, that would kill him. For Peter to be dangled in front of him, only to be pulled away. But he really had no idea. This could be the result of any villain. He wasn't surprised by the crap they could do anymore. 

“I suggest asking him something only Peter and you would know,” FRIDAY said, and she was the only thing keeping him from feeling completely insane right now. 

Tony nodded his head and thought hard. What was something only they knew...They had gotten into a lot of trouble together through the years, but he needed something concrete. A secret that could truly confirm if this was Peter or not. An idea came to mind almost immediately and he smiled wide. “Okay, Pete, what are we taking to the grave with us?” 

The crayon hesitated only a moment before it started rolling.  _ M-E-T-S.  _

Tony could cry when he read that. “Mets, yeah, that's right, buddy! You remember that?” He laughed at the memory. How could either of them forget? Peter was supposed to be studying for an AP test and Tony was supposed to be at a meeting, but instead, they snuck out to a Mets vs. Yankees game. It was a home game for the Yanks, but Peter still came to the game with a Mets shirt and a matching hat. Tony was dressed the same, except he donned Yankees gear. 

He needed more though...just to prove it was  _ really  _ Peter. “What do I owe you still?” 

_ N-A-C-H-O-S.  _

Tony let out a loud laugh. The first one in a damn long time. “Yeah! God, kid. You get me into so much trouble.” He shook his head in amusement. 

Peter had not only dressed up as a super Mets fan, but he also spent the entire game trash-talking the Yankees. Tony would have gotten annoyed if it were anyone but Peter. Instead, he thought it was adorable watching Peter get these old men angry. Until one of the men in front of them, drunk off his ass since the third inning, turned around and threw his beer in Peter’s face. Tony didn't hesitate before he grabbed the boat of nachos from Peter’s hands and dumped it on the man’s head. 

“We ran like hell,” Tony said, lost in the memory. They had seen the cameras being pulled out and knew the second someone realized he was  _ Tony Stark,  _ it would not end well. So, Tony grabbed Peter's hand and practically dragged him out of the stadium. Tony felt like shit for ruining the game for Peter; they didn't get to stay for the end. But then he looked at the kid’s face when they finally stopped running and he saw the smile. It didn't leave his face the entire night. Especially when they watched the Mets score the winning run on the small TV in a local ice cream parlor. 

“Sorry about the game, kiddo,” Tony had apologized as he dropped off the kid (through his window because he was supposed to be studying. They weren't dumb). 

Peter had waved him off with that smile. “Don't worry about it, Mr. Stark. I guess this means we'll just have to go back another day.”

Tony responded with a grin. “Sound good.”

As he was turning away, Peter called his name again and Tony turned back slightly. “You owe me nachos.”

Tony laughed. “As long as this is a secret we keep to the grave. May and Pep would not be happy about our little field trip.”

He chased away the memory, as much as he would have loved to stay in it all day. He had someone waiting for him-- and not just anyone; he had Peter. “So, you’re Peter? Are you okay? What happened? Why can’t I see or hear you? Are you hurt? Are you in pain? Where have you been? How have you been here?”

The crayon started moving before Tony was halfway through his worrying.  _ S-L-O-W.  _ Tony winced. “Right. Sorry. Um...this may be a little difficult for you to keep spelling out everything. What if I…” He trailed off as he reached for the crayon, looking in front of him where he hoped Peter was. “Can I borrow your crayon?” 

It rolled over to his hand. Tony smiled and picked it up to write three words on a clean sheet of paper nearby. As he wrote, he explained to Peter, “I’m going to write: yes, no, and I don’t know on the paper for you. When I ask a question,  _ slowly,  _ you move the crayon to the right answer, okay?” He pushed the crayon back to where he found it, hoping Peter was still here to grab it. 

There were many questions he wanted to ask, but not many that needed a yes or no answer. He tried to stay away from those right now. “Um...are you dead-- like am I talking to your ghost right now?”

The crayon rolled an inch and then stopped. It looked to move towards no before settling on  _ I don’t know.  _ Tony could only imagine how worried Peter probably was. He immediately tried to reassure him, “Hey, that’s okay, kiddo. We’re going to figure this out, okay?” He cleared his throat and moved onto the next one. “Are you hurt? Anything at all?”

The crayon moved to  _ no  _ and Tony breathed a sigh of relief. There was no hesitation like last time, so Tony assumed he was telling the truth. “You better not be lying, squirt. I can’t see your telling smile right now.” 

“Do you know what’s going on? Where you are? Why I can’t see you? Do you have any clue?” The crayon didn’t move and Tony’s heart skipped a beat and he panicked. “Pete, did I lose you?” 

The crayon moved off of  _ no  _ and then moved back. 

He breathed a sigh of relief and he tried to laugh. “You scared me there, bud. You gotta-- I can’t see you. Just keep moving, okay? I don’t wanna lose you.” 

The crayon quickly went to the alphabet map.  _ S-R-Y  _

Tony smiled softly. “It’s okay...so, I’m taking it’s a no to my question. You don’t know what’s going on either? Nothing to help me bring you back?”  _ Bring you back _ . Tony said those words because there wasn’t a doubt in his mind; he was getting Peter back. 

The crayon rolled to  _ no.  _

“That’s okay. Not your fault. Don’t worry. What about people? The others that disappeared before you, have you seen them?” 

Back from  _ no  _ back to  _ no  _ again. Then it rolled to the alphabet map. Tony watched with careful eyes.  _ D-A-R-K.  _

Tony looked from the map to the empty space in front of him. “Dark?” His heart hurt for the kid. “Before you got here, was it dark where you were?”

_ B-L-A-C-K.  _

Tony swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry, kiddo. You’re not a fan of the dark. I know. Just hold on. Whatever got you here, hold onto that. It’s not dark here.” 

_ H-A-R-D. _

Scoffing, Tony nodded his head. “Yeah, I could imagine how hard.” Especially if it took him almost two years. “But, you did it. I’m proud of you. Can you hold on?”

_ F-L-O-A-T.  _

“Float? Are you floating? Did you float from the dark to here?” 

The crayon rolled to  _ yes.  _

“Do you feel yourself floating away again?” Tony hoped it moved back to  _ no. _

It moved off of  _ yes,  _ but unfortunately, it moved right back. 

“Listen to me,” Tony said quickly, wanting to get it out before he left again. “I’m here, okay? I know you’re out there. If you disappear, it’s okay. Just find your way back. I don’t care how long it takes. I’ll find you. I’ll bring you back. I promise.” He paused, leaning close, hoping Peter was still there. “Do you believe me?”

The crayon moved slower, but it backed off of  _ yes  _ and then rolled back before coming to a halt. Tony felt his eyes burn. “Pete, are you there, buddy?” 

Nothing. 

Peter was gone again. 

\----

Every day at that same time, and at other times, Tony sat down in that same spot with the alphabet map, the  _ YES/NO/I DON’T KNOW  _ paper and the red crayon. DUM-E joined him a lot and called Peter’s name sadly. 

He never showed up. 

One day, almost a week later, Tony turned to DUM-E and wondered aloud, “Do you think if there was something here for him to reach onto it would be easier? Like those stupid ghost shows he used to watch; the spirits would be connected to something, right?”

DUM-E nodded excitedly, so Tony smiled and shot up to his feet. He grabbed an empty cardboard box from the floor and said, “Dums, I’ll be right back. I gotta run to Pete’s room.” He hurried into the elevator, FRIDAY already had the floor for Peter’s room programmed in. He lived on Tony’s living floor and he used to be on the floor a lot for weekends and summers and school vacations. Now, it was empty and quiet. Only Tony, Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy lived there. He offered a room for May, but she didn’t want to leave her apartment. There was too much of Ben and Peter. Tony couldn’t imagine what it must be like living with alone with all those memories suffocating her. Maybe she enjoyed them. 

He was in such a rush that when he got off of the elevator, he crashed right into Happy. His friend gave him a small and tired smile. “Hey, Tony. Whatcha outta the lab for?” He looked relieved for him-- Tony hardly ever left that room. 

“I need to get some stuff from the kid’s room,” he said, vaguely. 

The smile disappeared from Happy’s face. Peter was a sensitive topic for everyone. “Oh. Why’s that?”

Tony bit his lip. There was no reason to  _ not  _ tell Happy, other than to get his hopes up. They’ve dealt with weird before, so hearing from the kid in the Beyond really shouldn’t be too hard to believe. Hopefully. “I know I’m going to sound crazy, but just try to be open-minded, okay?”

Happy raised his eyebrows. “Aliens are real, Tony. Try me.” 

Tony took a deep breath and said, “Last week, I talked to Peter.” Happy’s eyes widened, so Tony continued on before he could be called crazy. “He was there, but I couldn’t see him. He could only move around a crayon to communicate with me--.”

“Tony…”

“No, just listen. I know what I’m saying seems impossible, but it was him. And he disappeared again. He’s somewhere dark. He says it’s just black. I’m trying to get him back; you know how much the kid hates the dark,” Tony said softly. 

“How did you...talk to Peter?” He didn’t sound dubious, just curious. 

“He, uh...somehow, wherever he disappeared to, he was lost and then found his way back here. To us. But it’s hard to stay here. It’s hard to be here and hold stuff I think. I mean-- he could still be here and just can’t pick up the crayon anymore, but I’m not sure. So, I’m thinking maybe if I put some of his stuff by the couch, he’ll be attached to it and come back.”

“So, you’re gonna fill that box with things from his room?” Happy asked, not looking to question anything he said earlier. 

“Uh, yeah, pretty much...Do you want to help?”

Happy smiled a little. “Yeah. It’s been a while since I’ve been in there. I miss feeling close to the kiddo.” He followed Tony to the kid’s bedroom just down the hallway and stepped inside hesitantly. 

Tony took his time looking around the room. Nothing was out of place since the kid had last stayed there years ago, but there were a few layers of dust over it all. It was the only room in the tower to not be cleaned by the staff. No one was allowed in this room. Tony made that rule pretty clear when a maid had gone in to clean the kid’s room a few weeks after the snap and she accidentally knocked one of his Legos to the ground making his hard work smash into pieces. The Legos were all in a box under the bed and Tony smiled at the thought of Peter fixing it soon. 

Happy didn’t go to touch anything when he was inside; he only looked around. Tony pretended to not notice how his eyes teared up. He turned to the closet to give Happy some privacy while he looked for anything that the kid might like. He smiled when he saw the familiar MIT sweatshirt hanging up. He pulled it off the hanger. “Kid didn’t think I’d know he stole this.” He shook his head, remembering when he noticed it was gone from his room at first and asked Peter about it. The kid had denied it with red cheeks, giving his guilt away, and Tony let it go. But since then, he always made sure to accidentally let one of his sweatshirts find their way into Peter’s laundry. 

“What about this?” Happy asked and Tony turned around to see what he was referring to. He was pointing to a small stuffed monkey sitting on his bed. The stuffed animal that Tony had won for him after spending almost $50 in a stupid claw machine. But the kid wanted that damn monkey and Tony could never say no to those puppy eyes. 

“Put him in,” Tony said, placing the cardboard box on the bed. Happy picked the stuffed monkey up like it was made of glass and could break between his fingers at any second. He lowered it inside and made it comfortable on the MIT sweatshirt. 

After that, they went their own ways to quietly collect smalls things throughout the room. The box was half full and Tony was in the middle of looking through his book collection when he heard the small sniffle from behind him. Tony turned around and saw Happy sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall as he held something in his hand and cried. 

“He kept it,” Happy whispered, pulling his hands close to his chest. 

Tony walked over to where he was sitting and took a spot next to him on the floor. He didn’t look, but put a hand on Happy’s shoulder. This position wasn’t new to either of them. Happy had spent hours crying on Tony’s shoulder when the snap first happened. That had been a while back, but it didn’t mean Tony was surprised by it now. 

Happy sniffled and lowered his hands and unfolded them to show Tony what he was cradling against his chest. It was a Polaroid picture, frayed a bit at the edges but still in perfect condition. The kid was leaning from the back between the front and passenger seats. His face was pressed against Happy’s and he was smiling widely. Happy looked like he tried to keep his displeased face on, but his lips were quirked in a small grin. “He said he had to baptize the camera with a great first picture. Before I knew it, he was there with the camera in front of us telling me to smile.” 

“It's a nice picture,” Tony said softly. 

“I didn't think he'd keep it,” Happy admitted, wiping at the tears freely falling from his eyes. 

Tony wrapped his arms around his friend and pulled him into a hug. His own eyes were burning as he rubbed his back. “It's okay, Happy. I know.” 

They spent the next few minutes just holding each other and letting out their misery through their barely muffled sobs. This wasn’t new to them. Crying over Peter. It was a weekly routine for Tony (it used to be nightly, but as the months passed, he was too drunk and numb to feel the pain). Even though it had been over a year since Happy and Tony cried for hours with bottles of Jack Daniels never further out of reach, he didn’t doubt Happy spent nights crying by himself. Somehow, being together made it a little more bearable. 

They didn’t stop until Happy pulled away with a gasp. “Did you feel that?” He asked, his voice thick with tears. 

Tony furrowed his brow. “What?”

Happy’s wide eyes looked down at his shaking hand. “Someone squeezed my hand.” 

Tony smiled. “Pete?”

\---

They ran to the lab to get to the spot where Peter could use his crayon without hesitating. It was probably hilarious to see Happy and Tony running through the hall into the elevator with a box of Peter’s stuff as they constantly looked around them. Tony asked many times if Peter was still with them. He begged him to keep up with them. 

But it was too late. 

They sat down and the crayon didn’t move. 

Happy didn’t understand; he’d  _ felt  _ him. Tony didn’t have an explanation. Only an apology and a promise. “If he comes back, I’ll call you.”

“If I don’t make it on time, just ask him about my ma and sis, okay?” He asked quietly, a smile on his face. 

“Of course,” Tony said, even though he didn’t think Happy would like the answer. Peter said he hadn’t seen anyone-- if Tony had understood his answer correctly. He couldn’t be sure until he could see and hear Peter again. 

Before leaving the room, Happy paused and looked around. “I’ll see you later, kid.” 

For the first time in a while, Tony didn’t feel alone. Happy felt him. He believed Tony. He was waiting for Peter to come back too. 

Pepper, however, was a different story. She’d been the most patient with him since it all happened. She had practically taken over the company while Tony mourned and drank his life away. She agreed to push off the wedding. 

Tony never exactly told her that he was able to talk to Peter. That wasn’t something you just brought up in conversation. But, she had seen him. She had come down into the lab while Tony was on the floor, holding Peter’s stuffed monkey close to his chest. Today was no different. Except, Pepper didn’t ignore the fact he was on the ground, surrounded by Peter’s things as she gave him an update on his company. This time, she seemed a little angry, even. 

“Tony,” she said, storming into the lab with an armful of papers. Her hair was pulled high in a messy bun and Tony could see the bags under her eyes. She was running herself dry running this company on her own. 

Tony pushed himself up, putting the monkey safely on the couch behind him. “Yeah, Pep?”

She looked apologetic as she approached him but more so annoyed. “Tony, I love you. You know I do, but I just can’t do this anymore.” 

Tony’s heart skipped a beat.  _ No.  _ She was leaving him. He always knew this day would come, but he hoped that he was wrong. 

“I can’t just sit by and watch you drive yourself into the ground.” She shook her head. “You have been a shell ever since...and I  _ know  _ how hard it was to lose Peter, but you can’t keep living like this. People are asking where you are-- when was the last time you even left the tower?”

She paused for an answer, but Tony couldn’t recall. 

“See? It’s ridiculous. Peter wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself. You’re losing  _ everything.  _ Stark Industries is about to fall down the drain and I’m trying to keep it together for you, but I can’t handle it all.”

Tony watched as the tears started to fall down her cheeks and he felt the world’s biggest asshole for hurting her. The woman he loved and vowed to never hurt was crying  _ because of him.  _

“And you’ve just-- holed yourself up here.” Her eyes flick to Peter’s corner. “It’s not healthy to be sitting here like this with his things. You’ve roped Happy into it too.” Her eyes went back to Tony and he held his breath. 

He knew what she was going to say by the look in her eyes. He hoped she wouldn’t. “Pepper, you don’t understand--.”

“He’s not here, Tony,” she said, her voice breaking. “He’s gone. They’re all  _ gone _ .” 

“No,” Tony whispered, his eyes blurring with hot tears. “I felt him. I talked to him. I  _ know  _ he’s here.” 

“Tony,” she begged, tears streaming down her face. She looked like she hated every second of this conversation, but she continued on. “He’s not here. You need to just...believe me. I’ve let you go on far too long like this.”

She didn’t say the words, but he knew what she was thinking. “I’m not crazy,” he said in a low voice. 

“I never said you were crazy,” her voice was strong. 

“Sure sounds like it. Seeing as you think I’m just  _ imagining  _ him.” 

“Tony, you  _ know  _ that’s not--.”

“Get out.” 

She reeled back slightly. “I’m sorry?”

“Please,” he added because he wasn’t angry at her. It wasn’t her fault. If he were here, he’d probably think he was crazy too. “Please just...give me some time to think.” 

She looked like that was the last thing she wanted to do, but she also understood that there was no way any progress would be made during this conversation. So, she gave in. “Fine. I’ll be back later, okay? Please...take care of yourself.” She leaned forward to kiss his cheek softly. 

He watched her leave the lab with a sad look on her face. He waited until she was gone before letting out a loud shout and picked up the nearest thing-- a glass cup and threw it against the wall. It shattered into a million pieces and he fell to his knees sobbing. “I’m not crazy,” he said. “I  _ know  _ you’re there. I  _ feel  _ you here. Please-- try to do something. Tell me I’m not crazy.  _ Please.”  _

He lifted his head up and looked around the room for  _ anything _ . Even the moving crayon. Nothing happened. 

He stayed in that spot for the next few minutes as he let his tears dry up. He couldn’t cry about it. Crying wouldn’t get Peter back. His eyes drifted to his stocked mini-bar...but a little alcohol would help numb the pain. He stood up and made his way over to the bar slowly. Taking a seat, he looked around the room one more time. “Last chance to come out, Pete. If not, this bottle of Jack Daniels is getting all my attention tonight.” 

Still nothing. 

Tony sighed heavily as he poured himself a glass and took a large swig. He didn’t stop until the glass was empty. And then he filled it up again. And when the bottle was empty, he pulled out another one. 

He was halfway through the second bottle, hours later when he let the tears fall again. He didn’t care about his dad’s voice in the back of his head--  _ “Stark men don’t cry.”  _ He would cry as much as he pleased. He lost his fucking kid. That was a damn good reason to cry. 

“I miss you, kiddo,” he croaked, as he spun the glass softly, watching the alcohol whirl around. He hadn’t looked up from the drink in a while, so maybe that’s why he didn’t notice it. Not until the sudden voice had his head snapping up. 

“I miss you too, Mr. Stark.” 

There Peter was sitting across from him, looking the same as he did two years ago before he faded away.


	3. find my way back

“What the _fuck_ ?” Tony shouted, falling backward off of his chair. His heart was racing and dammit, the height from the stool to the hard ground _hurt._

“Mr. Stark!” Peter shouted, running through the bar from the other side. “Are you okay?”

Tony’s stared at him with wide eyes, speechless. Not only was he seeing the kid, but he just saw him phase through a piece of furniture. He squeezed his eyes shut and reopened them. Peter was still there. “Oh, man. ‘M so fuckin’ drunk,” he mumbled.

Peter paused. “Wait-- can you... _see me?”_

Tony looked over the kid again. Besides for looking a bit holographic and even glowing, he looked like his Peter. Like he had never left. “Uh-- yeah. I can see you... _Peter?”_

Peter smiled widely and immediately surged forward with open arms to pull Tony into a hug. But he went right through him. Tony turned his head to see where Peter was kneeling just behind him, staring down at his hands. “No, no, no.”

Tony’s mind was still reeling, desperately trying to keep up with everything. This was just another drunken hallucination...right? He reached a shaky arm towards the kid. His eyes were wide. “Peter...are you-- is that _you?”_

Peter turned around, his eyes were watery from unshed tears. “I can’t-- why can’t I touch you? I was able to touch you before. I don’t understand what happened.” His chest was rising and falling rapidly.

Tony was feeling the exact same panic because _what the hell?_ “Peter-- you’re the same Peter that was talking to me with the crayon?”

Peter looked up at him and that comment seemed to calm him down slightly. “Mr. Stark, if you’re talking to multiple Peters, I think you have a problem.”

“What color was the crayon?” Tony asks, even though if he were imagining this Peter, he’d know the answer.

“This again? It was red. And the Mets. Nachos,” Peter answered easily. His breathing seemed to even out with something else to focus on.

And if Peter remembered their conversation...then that meant… “Peter!” He shouted and he stumbled closer to him, crawling on his hands and knees to stay level with the kid. He was afraid to take his eyes off of him even for a moment. “Peter, Peter, _Peter_ ,” was all his mouth can say.

Peter smiled softly. “Yeah, it’s Peter.”

“But, how? Are you de...?” Tony swallowed thickly, unable to finish that sentence.

Peter held out his hands and studied them as he turned them over. Tony was still in awe how they glowed. “I don’t think so. I mean...I don’t feel dead, but how am I supposed to know?” Tony continued to stare at Peter with wide eyes and Peter falter slightly. “Why are you looking at me like that-- is it ‘cus you’re drunk? Because when you’re sober again, we’re going to have a long talk about drinking and the dangers--.”

“It’s been three years.”

“What? Oh…”

“I haven’t seen you in three years. I thought I was never going to see you again. And now...you’re back.” Tony felt his eyes burn from the tears collecting, but Tony refused to let them fall. _No._

“I tried to come back quicker-- I was in and out, but I couldn’t hold on. I-I was somewhere d-dark and I felt...you somewhere. Sometimes it was easier to latch on...like when you would talk about me. But I could never stay at first.”

Tony shook his head. Although this was definitely sobering him up, his head was still a little too foggy to really think all of this through. “Dark-- what was dark?”

Peter fidgeted. “I don’t know...after Thanos...you know...I went to...somewhere dark. It was just black-- I couldn’t even see myself. I tried leaving because I didn’t like it there, but it was so hard to find my way out.”

Talking about the dark made Peter anxious Tony noted. “How’d you get out?”

“I just...sensed it?” Peter said, his voice sounding confused like he knew how stupid it sounded out loud. “Like when you first came back from Titan and you told May and you were both crying and holding each other-- I was there. The funeral. When everyone made all of those speeches. Ned, May... _you_ . I was there. And, and I was _screaming_ for you all to just turn around and see me! But...no one could and I realized that I was alone.”

Tony’s heart broke just imagining Peter running around, watching them all at his funeral-- where they didn’t even have a freaking body to bury-- and crying for someone to notice him. And just like then, Tony couldn’t pull him into a hug.

“I was in and out-- I came back and forth. I tried staying, but it was working at first. Then one day I got here and I just...it had been so long in the dark so I held on really tight and I stayed.”

“How long ago was that?” Tony asked softly. _How long did you stay in the dark?_

“Almost three years-- maybe two and a half years.”

Tony let the words sink in. “You’ve been here for two and a half years? Just roaming?”

“Not really-- well, yes. I’ve been here, but I’ve been attached to you. If I try to go anywhere too far away, I fizzle to the black and I have to find my way back.”

Peter had been with him this whole time...which meant he’d seen him at his lowest points. God, Peter had seen him almost kill himself with alcohol poisoning. Several times. “I’m sorry you had to see me these past few months, kid. God, if I knew--.” He cut himself off, running his hand over his face.

“I’m sorry for making you feel that way,” he responded in a low voice. Tony looked over at him and saw the guilt in his eyes. It was true: Tony had drunk himself into a stupor almost every night because he missed Peter, but he wouldn’t _blame_ Peter.

“It’s not your fault.” Except it was his fault. It was his fault for being _him._ When he recruited Spider-Man, he never expected for Peter Parker to crawl his way into his heart and yet...his entire world was flipped upside down when he was taken from it.

“I’m sorry it took so long to show up-- I kept trying, but even staying is a lot. And then touching stuff...I guess I gave that up when I showed myself. Maybe I can only choose one?” He tries to touch his chest, but his hand goes through himself.

“I think I prefer the ‘seeing you’ option,” Tony said with a laugh trying to get the kid to crack a smile, but the kid didn’t look up.

“I wish I could give you a hug,” he admitted in a low voice.

“Oh, kid,” Tony said, looking at him sadly. Almost three years without a hug. That fucking _sucked._ But for Peter Parker? That was absolute torture. “We’re gonna figure this out. I promise you.”

“It makes me feel a little better now that you can see me,” Peter admitted. “I feel more real-- less crazy.” He laughed nervously.

“ _You_ crazy? I was talking to a crayon, Peter,” he deadpanned.

“Technically, you were talking to, but yeah-- I see how that could look to someone else,” Peter said with a laugh.

The tears actually did start to stream down his face this time because _fuck,_ he missed that sound. “I really missed you, buddy.”

Peter’s smile softened. “I missed you too. Well-- I missed you noticing me. I was always here with you, but you just couldn’t hear me. You know how many times I talked your ear off and you didn’t tell me to shut up once?”

“Talking my ear off is fine-- but I swear you better not have followed me into the bathroom.” Tony raised a finger at him warningly.

“It was either that or disappear into the black. You’re not easy on the eyes, Mr. Stark, but the black is scarier than you.” He shrugged his shoulders, his lip twitching.

“Peter, you better--.”

He couldn’t hold his laughter back any longer. “I’m joking! Bathrooms aren’t that big, so it’s easy for me to just sit outside the door until you’re finished.”

Tony stared at him. “You’re a weirdo. You just _sit_ there?”

“What did you want me to do? Juggle? Balance on my head? Recite the elements backward and then forwards?”

Tony narrowed his eyes. “When did you get so sarcastic?”

“Well, I’ve had nobody but you as company for the past three years.”

“Sorry about that, kid,” Tony said and meant it as a self-deprecating joke, but Peter took it too seriously.

“I didn’t mind it. I like to spend time with you, but…” Peter shook his head. “Nevermind.”

“No, kid, tell me.” This was where he would bump his shoulder against Peter’s, but it went right through him.

“There were just times that...I didn’t like what I saw.” Peter refused to meet Tony’s eyes.

Tony knew he was a fuck-up, so he wasn’t surprised by this. But he never wanted to hear it from the kid’s mouth. So he did what he always did; he joked. “What, you get a show of me and Pepper?”

Peter’s cheeks flushed.

Tony froze. “Peter.”

“I waited outside again!” He said, his cheeks still red as his voice cracked. “Most times time I just went to the black.” Tony felt bad at that admission since he knew how much the kid hated the black. But really, it hadn’t had been many times. Losing Peter had definitely taken a toll on his and Pepper’s relationship. “But that’s not what I was talking about!”

“What could be worse than seeing me and Pepper--.”

“Do _not_ finish that sentence.”

Tony sighed heavily. “Fine. Then what was so horrible about following me around?”

“Seeing you drink bottle after bottle.” The humor was gone from his voice. Tony winced. “Do you know what that’s like to watch? To know you’re the one causing it and to not be able to stop it? I begged you so many times to just put the glass down.” Peter’s voice cracked. “But you never listened.”

“Kid, I wish-- if I knew…”

“I know. I don’t mean to make you feel bad, but...just...no more. You’re done. Tonight was your last night.” He sniffled, trying to make his voice sound stronger. “I mean it. No more drinking.”

Tony nodded immediately. He’d do anything to keep the kid by his side. “You got it, kiddo. No more drinking.”

Peter quirked an eyebrow like he didn’t expect Tony to agree so easily. But the only reason he tried to drink himself into unconscious every night was that he didn’t have Peter. But now Peter was back, so there was no need. “And you need to sleep.”

“Got it. Sleep.”

“Really?” Peter paused. “Just like that and you’re agreeing?”

“I’d do anything for you, kid,” Tony replied without hesitation. Damn this alcohol. 

Peter blushed at his words. “Good. At least someone can make sure you don’t kill yourself from lack of self-preservation. After a long and good night’s rest, you’re coming down here and cleaning up all these bottles.” His shoulders deflated slightly. “I’d help you out, but the only thing I can touch here is myself.”

Tony tried to hold back his laughter. He really did. Peter glared at him. “I’m sorry-- I’m sorry. I’m mature. I promise.”

Peter rolled his eyes, but he was having a hard time containing his smile. “Sure you are, Mr. Stark. Now come on, bedtime.” Peter lifted himself off of the ground and started to extend a hand to Tony, but then he pulled it back.

Tony stood up, eyeing his glowing form carefully. “So, you can touch the ground and your own body, but nothing else?”

“Yeah-- I mean...I think I could touch other things if I focused enough, but I’m afraid to lose the connection I’ve gotten from you seeing me,” he admitted. “I’d rather not touch anything than go back to being alone.”

Alone. Three years with no one to talk to. No one to acknowledge you. The thought was terrifying. “Well, you’ve got me now, kiddo.”

Peter smiled brightly at him and Tony could practically _feel_ the relief in his voice. “Good.”

“I wish--.” Tony wanted so badly to pull this kid into a hug.

“I know.” Peter wrapped his arms around himself and then dropped them only a second later. “But let’s just focus on what we have. I’m here and you can see me. So, I think it’s good to know neither of us is crazy.”

“Oh, definitely. But I knew I wasn’t crazy before. Happy felt you too,” Tony pointed out as they started to walk out of the lab. Tony was only stumbling slightly, but it wasn’t his fault that the room was spinning.

“I have to apologize to him...I felt bad I can’t see his mom and sister.” Peter followed behind him.

“It’s not your fault. You can’t see anyone, right?”

Peter shook his head. “I don’t know where they are.”

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “We can figure this out...we’re both very smart and intelligent people, but right now...right now I need to sleep this headache off.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t drink so much.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be such a wise-ass.”

Peter looked like he wanted to say more on the topic, but he didn’t bother. He just shrugged his shoulders and kept walking down the hallway. When they walked past Tony’s room, Peter hesitated. “You said you were going to bed.”

“Now that I know you’re following me around, I think you’re tired of sleeping in the lab or in the same room as Pepper and I.” He didn’t feel comfortable trying to sleep next to his fiance with the kid right there. And he didn’t feel like getting a lecture about his drinking tonight from her.

“I don’t need sleep,” Peter said.

Tony paused to look at the kid. “You don’t sleep?”

He fidgeted as he shrugged his shoulders. “I mean...not really no. I don’t sleep and I don’t eat.”

“Huh…” Tony studied him for the umpteenth time that night. “This is really weird, you know that right, kid?”

“I’ve been dealing with it for three years. I know, Mr. Stark.” Peter rolled his eyes as he continued to his door but stopped outside it. It took Tony a moment to realize he couldn’t open it.

“I got that,” he said, rushing forward and pushed it open for him. “Maybe sleeping somewhere familiar will help you out. You may not need to sleep, but you should try.” The minute Tony said this, the lights in Peter’s room and the hallway flickered. Tony frowned. “What the hell-- FRIDAY, is there something wrong with the lights?”

_“No, sir.”_

“Then what…” He trailed off, looking at Peter, who looked a little frightened. “Pete, you okay?”

“Y-yeah. I’m fine...I just...when I sleep, I go back to the dark, I don’t like the dark-- I don’t want to go back.” Peter started to play with his hands and the lights flickered again.

Tony paused, watching the obvious anxiety festering in Peter's eyes at the mention of sleeping and The Dark. “Is that you?”

Peter stopped wringing his hands to look at Tony with a frown; the lights went back on. “The lights-- you’re messing with the lights.”

“I’m sorry--,” Peter said, looking around him curiously. “I didn’t realize.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s okay.” Tony guess Peter’s emotions must have somehow messed with the electricity. Tony couldn’t wait to be sober enough to actually process everything happening. “How about we just...lay down and hopefully wake up with a sudden understanding of our situation and exactly how to fix it.”

Peter smiled slightly and that was really all Tony needed-- the kid to calm down just slightly. “You really think we’ll figure it out?” He asked.

“‘Course I do. Or else I better get used to living with Casper the Friendly Ghost for the rest of my life.”

\----

The next morning, Tony groaned as he woke up. His head was only hurting slightly and with a few aspirins, he should be fine. Except, he didn’t want to get up and face the day; he still had to apologize to Pepper and clean up his lab and...live another day without Peter. He groaned and dug his face deeper into the pillow.

Life _sucked_ without Peter and he just wasn’t interested in dealing with it today. He wasn’t interested in dealing with it ever.

“Mr. Stark, are you gonna sleep all day?”

Tony shot up, any lingering drowsiness was gone. That voice… His wide eyes looked over to see him sitting on the bed, with his legs folded underneath him. The previous night came rushing back. “It wasn’t a dream?”

Peter smiled a little and shook his head. His curls-- the curls Tony thought he would never see again bounced. “Nope. I’m here.”

“Oh, my God. _Kid,”_ he breathed, already shoving the blanket off of him and diving across the bed to pull Peter in a crushing hug. He remembered a little too late that Peter wasn’t able to _touch_ right now. He groaned as he fell to the floor _hard._

Peter was giggling above him. “Mr. Stark, don’t you remember?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tony said, his face flushing slightly. “I remember, brat.”

“Was that supposed to be a hug? Are we finally there? Or were you just getting the door for me?” He grinned down at him as Tony pushed himself up.

“Just for that when you get back to this realm, I’m starving you from all hugs. Not one will be from me.”

It was meant as a joke, but the grin faded from Peter’s face and his arms wrapped around himself. “I…” He trailed off, unsure of what else to say. “Please don’t take away the hugs.”

Tony frowned. “I was just joking, kid. You just saw me just faceplant into the floor for you, right? Hell, I won’t be surprised if I get rug rash.”

Peter let his shoulders sag in relief. “Okay-- good. Because I deserve all the hugs in the world. With the crap you’ve put me through.”

Tony pushed himself up. “Oh, really? The shit _I_ put you through? Please, Parker, elaborate.”

“The drinking," he reminded him. 

It was quick and to the point. “I’m sorry. If I knew--.” He swallowed thickly, already knowing that his apology wouldn’t be enough. “If I knew you were there with me, I sure as hell wouldn’t have picked up the bottle.”

“I don’t want to be annoying because I already told you last night...and step out of place since I’m just a kid, but...watching you spiral like that? It was one of the scariest things I’ve ever seen.” Peter’s eyes are wide. “So, you better not have lied to me when you promised to stop drinking.”

“Of course not, Pete,” Tony said, taking a seat on the bed next to him. “I’m done with the drinking. We’ll go down there right now and throw it all out. Everything. I promise.”

Peter smiled, straightening up. “I want to watch that more than I want to watch _Star Wars_.”

Tony chuckled. “Seriously? You still a big nerd?”

Peter tilted his head like a puppy. “Course I am. Didn’t change, Mr. Stark.”

And it sunk in then that it had been over three years and the world had three years added to their lives, Tony had more wrinkles, May had more gray hairs, all of his friends had two years in college under their belts. But Peter? He still was the kid that disappeared all those years ago. He was still wearing the same Iron Spider suit he was on Titan. He still had that baby face. Those curls. “I’m glad,” he said and Tony wasn’t sure if he meant it or not.

“Seriously though-- you could have watched _The Empire Strikes Back_ at least once. I’m going through withdrawals.”

Tony shut his eyes. Maybe Peter was there when he snapped every _Star Wars_ DVD in the tower-- unless it was in Peter’s private collection already. “Yeah, kid... _Star Wars_ was a little too hard to sit through.”

“Oh,” Peter said, sounding like he regretted bringing it up. He tried to break the awkward tension, “Well-- we’ve got all the time in the world now. I’ve also gotta catch up with the reboots. Have they gotten any less appalling since I’ve been gone?” He considered his question. “I doubt it, but I’m hoping at least they’ve pulled their heads out of their asses long enough to make StormPilot happen. I know they threw in Rose, but that was just bullcrap-- and Leia, is she still in there? They should have given her an honorable death in _The Last Jedi_. Feels disrespectful to Carrie Fischer to keep her character alive. You know since Han died, they could have done a ‘died from a broken heart’ kinda thing-- like Johnny Cash. That would be poetic cinema.”

Tony waited for him to continue in case he was going to finish that thought with anymore, but he finally seemed done. “You know, kid, I think you just beat your own record of rambling.”

Peter’s cheeks blushed a deep red. “I’m sorry-- I’m not used to having someone to respond or listen.”

Despite the weight that sentence carried, Tony tried to smile so Peter didn’t think Tony minded. “It’s all good, squirt. I missed your rambling.”

“I didn’t miss your nicknames.” Peter scrunched his face in distaste.

“Oh, you’re such a liar. You love each and every one of them. Buddy, squirt, little man, Underoos, Spider-Baby--.”

The small smile disappeared off his face. “Not _that_ one.”

“Okay, Spider-Baby.”

“I’m not a _baby_. I’m 17-years-old!”

_But your friends are 20._

“Of course not. Nope. And you’re definitely not pouting right now, right? Because that’s something only babies do.”

Peter huffed, standing up from the bed. “Shut up. You have a lab to clean, don’t you?”

“Oh, just wait, kiddo. Just wait.” Tony said, following him to the door. “You’re gonna get it.”

“You’re gonna get it,” Peter mocked him as they walked out the door.

Oh, yeah. He was definitely going to get it.

_\----_

They-- well, _Tony_ was in the middle of dumping a full bottle of Jack Daniels down the drain when the elevators opened behind him. Peter looked over his shoulder from his spot where he was sitting on the counter, kicking his feet.

“Hey, Boss,” Happy said. He paused when he realized what Tony was doing. “Uhh...what’s going on?”

“Mr. Stark is actually listening for once,” Peter said, but Happy didn’t turn to him. He didn’t show any sign of hearing Peter. They already talked about this being a possibility-- only Tony being able to see him. Peter still looked disappointed.

“The kid wants me to stop drinking. You know I’m a sucker for those puppy eyes,” Tony said, shrugging his shoulders.

Peter laughed and mumbled under his breath, “I knew it.”

At the same time, Happy said, “Wait...the kid? He told you to stop? His puppy eyes--.” Happy started looking around the room, searching for him. “He’s back? How did you get him back? Is everyone back?”

“No...I didn’t get them back yet. But, Pete-- I can see him, Happy,” Tony said, walking over to where Peter was sitting. He let his hand hover over his shoulder. “He’s right here-- he’s here. I just have to figure out how to get him back _here_.”

“He’s...wait, you can _see him_?” Happy hurried over to his side, looking around where Peter was perched.

“Hey, Happy,” Peter said, waving.

Tony chuckled. “He says hi. He’s waving.”

Happy turned from Peter to Tony. His eyes are wide. “Can he-- is it just him?”

Wincing, Tony answered, “Yeah. We haven’t really figured out the how or why. Just that he’s here and I’m the only one that can see him. He’s been here since the snap about.”

Happy turned his head, his eyes landing on Peter’s chest. “You were here all this time, kid?”

“Tell him it’s okay. It sucked, but I kept myself entertained and now at least someone can hear me.” Peter shrugged his shoulders. “Tell him I’m sorry I couldn’t find his mom and sister. I’m sure they’re safe with the others.”

“He’s okay...and he’s sorry about not seeing your mom and sister. He thinks they’re with the others and safe. I agree with him,” Tony said softly.

Happy smiled. “Well, you found Peter, right? The others have to be out there too.”

Tony clapped him on the shoulder. “I’m sure they are.”

Happy looked around the room where it was already looking much cleaner. The bottles were in a recyclable bin and Tony was slowly working through his collection of alcohols, pouring it all down the drain. Tony didn’t even miss it. Not when the kid was smiling by his side. “Do you need help?”

Tony raised his eyebrows. “You don’t have to help me.”

“No, but I want to. Besides, I’ve got some demons to destroy with these bottles too. I don’t think my mom would be too proud to see how much I turned to a drink.” Happy bent over, picking up the nearest bottle.

“You can say that again. I got an earful from Pepper Jr. over here.” Tony rolled his eyes with a smile so Peter would know he was teasing. But Peter wasn’t even paying attention; he was zoned out, staring at a wall.

“So...the kid...you can really see him?” Happy asked hesitantly.

“I can either see him or I’m officially insane. But this...this seems too real to be a dream.” Tony looked at the kid, knowing it also felt too good to _be_ real.

“Does...this is stupid. How do you see him? What does he look like?” Happy asked, rinsing out a bottle in the sink.

“Like Peter on the day he left. He looks the same, not older by even a day. He’s still wearing his Iron Spider suit. He glows...like a light blue-ish glow.” Tony realized how it sounded and he stopped himself. “It sounds crazy, I know--.”

“Tony,” Happy said, stopping him. “We’ve been through crazier shit. A purple alien used a giant glove to snap and stuck half of the universe somewhere. You seeing Peter? Seems pretty normal compared to all that.”

Tony smiled. “Thanks, Hap.”

Happy nodded his head and glanced over where Peter was still staring at the wall. “What’s he doing?”

“Staring at the wall-- he looks creepy.” Tony clapped his hands to get Peter’s attention. He didn’t react. Tony started feeling worried; what if something was wrong? Why was he just staring and not responding? He hurried in front of Peter and said, “Kid! Kid, what’s wrong?”

Peter finally blinked a few times, pulling away. “What?”

“What? You’ve been staring at nothing for the past 10 minutes.” Tony grabbed his chest as he willed his heart to calm down. _Peter was okay._

“I was? Oh. Sorry. Guess I just zoned out.” He shrugged his shoulders and went back to kicking his feet like there wasn’t anything wrong.

Tony swatted him with a towel even though it went right through him. “You’re a pain.”

“What’s wrong?” Happy asked, looking worried on Peter’s behalf.

“He was just zoned out. But it was creepy. It was like he wasn’t even there. His eyes were just staring.”

“You’re creepy,” Peter mocked and Tony rolled his eyes.

“Well, think about it, Tony. This is the first day the kid is actually...involved in conversations in years. If you had to live your life with no one able to hear you, wouldn’t you start to just zone out?”

Tony considered his words. “I never really thought about it like that. Is that why you’re staring off to nowhere, kiddo? You’re used to being left out?”

Peter shrugged his shoulders, his cheeks blushing slightly. “I guess? I dunno. You could never hear me and you’d have your conversations, so sometimes I’d get bored and just daydream.”

“Don’t do that anymore, okay? Just...You can talk to me now. I can hear you. And I don’t mind relaying to Happy when he’s here. You creep me out just zoning out by yourself.” Tony tried not to let any worry seep into his voice. “I don’t know how all of this ghost stuff works, but three years with just you..that can’t be too easy on your psyche.”

Peter raised his eyebrows. “You think I’m the crazy one? You’re the one talking to a ghost.”

“He just called me crazy for talking to a ghost,” Tony said to Happy.

Happy laughed and held his hand up by Peter. “High five, kid!”

At this, Peter’s entire face lit up as he smacked Happy’s palm, his hand going through Happy’s hand just a bit. Tony rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. He high fived you.”

Happy grinned. “Knew I missed you for a reason, kid.”

\----

Unfortunately, not everyone could be as open-minded as Happy.

Rhodey came down into the lab later that day when Tony was in the middle of a conversation with Peter. Tony didn’t know he was there until he cleared his throat. Tony turned from the side of the couch Peter was sitting on.

“Hey, you can tell Colonel Rhodes! Or maybe let’s mess with him at first-- wait I can’t touch anything so my plan wouldn’t work. But it would be really funny if I could just, like, poke him and see him jump. Do you think he’d jump? How high? As high as he could probably.”

Tony was starting to get used to these rambles from Peter. The kid was trying to be more careful with the habits he picked up from being alone. He knew it wasn’t his fault-- he was used to being his only company for years. “Rhodes! Hey! Was just arguing over what was a good choice for dinner,” he said, pointedly excluding the pronoun indicating _who_ was arguing about dinner.

“Hey, Tones,” Rhodey said, walking over to him slowly. He turned to face the part of his lab that had been a bar for months. “You cleaned up?”

Tony nodded his head. “Yeah...Happy helped out.”

“That’s good.”

Tony nodded his head again, sitting in awkward silence. They were best friends; they never ad awkward silence.

Rhodey broke it first. “Tony, look, you know I love you and this is exactly why I’m down here. Pepper came to me saying she was worried about you.”

Tony huffed. Why were they acting like this was new? He’d been the same since they put Peter in the ground-- not even Peter, just his coffin. He was finally figuring things out. He was getting happy again. He had hope. “I know-- but that was before,” he said, bouncing his leg in excitement. Once they knew Peter was back, he could get some help in figuring all of this out. They’d have a better chance at getting Peter back. “That was before I could see him.”

Rhodey’s eyes widened slightly before going back to normal. “You could...what?”

“I could feel him before-- I just knew he was here, and the crayon always moved, but now somehow, he held on tight enough.” Tony stood up, smiling widely. Peter was standing on the couch, bouncing slightly. “But he’s here now-- he’s behind me jumping like a monkey and if he falls, I’m going to kill him.”

Peter laughed and let himself fall to the cushions. Tony jumped, afraid he was going to fall and smack his head. He couldn’t even catch him or break his fall. “I’m fine! Sheesh, you’re such a mother hen.”

“I worry because you’re an idiot that is going to get himself hurt with the hit you pull and I don’t feel--.”

“Tony, who are you talking to?”

“Sorry-- I forget not everyone has the privilege of seeing the brat like I do. I’m talking to Peter.” He jerked his head behind him so Rhodey would have an idea where Peter was.

Rhodey stared at him for a long moment before he asked, “Tony, you do know that he’s not here, right?”

Tony laughed. “I know it seems like that, but he’s here. I’d tell him to push something over, but we’re working on that. Somehow he can stand and sit on the furniture. We haven’t really figured out the science yet.”

“Maybe because I’m so focused on one thing I can’t do another,” Peter said and didn’t stop even as Rhodey talked right over him. Peter didn’t even look bothered. Right. He was used to that.

“No-- I don’t see him because _he’s not there.”_

Tony frowned. This wasn’t how Rhodey was supposed to react-- he was his best friend. Why didn’t he understand? “Rhodes…”

Rhodey fidgeted, looking unsure of how he should continue. “Tony, I love you, man. Honestly, I love you more than anyone else in the world. So, please understand that I’m trying to help you.”

“Uh, Mr. Stark, I don’t think he believes you.” Peter’s excitement was gone as he hid behind Tony as if that made any difference to Rhodey.

“I know it sounds impossible, but he’s here, Rhodey. He’s here and I’m trying to get him back, but I can’t do it alone.” He took a step closer, pleading, “Please just believe me.”

“Three years, Tony. I’ve been letting you isolate yourself and keep these thoughts buried inside of you until you explode. You almost drank yourself to death _several_ times. I humored you long enough, but I just can’t anymore.”

Tony snorted humorlessly. “Humored me?”

“Yes. I should have burst this little bubble months ago. You need help. You need a doctor.”

Tony narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. “Just say it, Rhodes. Say I’m crazy.”

“I’m not saying that. I’m saying that it’s normal to get therapy after traumatic events. We all went to therapy after the snap,” Tony winced at that. “Everyone except you and I think you needed it the most.”

“Because I knew he wasn’t gone! I knew he had to come back. And he has, but you’re calling me crazy instead of helping me figure out how to get him back.” Tony couldn’t believe after _everything_ they’d been through, he was just gonna abandon him now.

“Tony, they’re all gone! I know it hurts and I know you don’t want to face it after what happened, but you need to. It’s not safe for you to go on like this, talking to _Peter_ when Peter’s been dead for three years.”

Tony flinches. _No_. He wasn’t dead. He was right here. He turned around to look at him and reassure himself. He was staring right back with wide eyes. He looked scared and guilty. “I’m sorry,” he whispered and it was Titan all over again.

“No, no, no,” Tony said. “You don’t need to apologize, kiddo. It’s not your fault.”

“Tony-- seriously?” Rhodey said behind him.

“Do you mind, Rhodes? You upset my kid and I’m trying to make him feel better,” Tony growled, wishing he could pull Peter in for a hug.

“You’re-- are you trying-- I don’t understand. You get mad at me for mentioning a therapist, but then you tell me you’re imagining Peter and you’re having a conversation with him.” Rhodey scoffed. “Maybe I’m the crazy one.”

Tony whirled around. “I’m not crazy!”

“You need help,” Rhodey said, keeping his voice calm. “You-- all of this isn’t normal. You haven't been the same since Titan. You haven't been the same since Peter _died in your arms_.”

“Stop saying that! He’s not dead!” Tony roared and as he did so, the lights in the lab flickered slightly. _Shit._ Tony turned back to Peter to comfort him. “I’m sorry for yelling, Pete.”

“You have a meeting with a therapist tomorrow.”

“Fuck no.”

“You’re going. I don’t care if I have to come back here and drag you by your ear. You’re going.” Rhodey narrowed his eyes, daring Tony to argue with him.

“I don’t--.”

“You’ve needed this since day one. I’m sorry it took me so fucking long to get you help. Please,” Rhodey pleaded, his voice sounding desperate.

Tony almost felt guilty. He knew Rhodey was only making such a big deal about this because he was worried. Tony hadn’t been the same since Titan. He knew he was a mess. He knew he was fucked up. He knew he had been one drink away from six feet deep. “I’m not crazy,” he whispered.

“No,” Rhodey agreed, but Tony doubted he was being honest. “But you need help. Please. If not for yourself or even for me, for Peter. He wouldn’t want you to be keeping all of this inside.”

Tony sighed heavily as he glanced back to see Peter watching the two of them with wide eyes. He looked back at Rhodey and saw the bags under his eyes, the worry inside of them. “I’ll think about it.”

Rhodey let out a shaky breath. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t say I was going to do it. I’m only going to think about it.”

“I know.” Rhodey paused, studying Tony before he asked, “Do you mind if I join you for dinner? I’m starved.”

Rhodey stayed for dinner. Peter sat on the other side of the room and didn’t say a word.

\---

“I’m sorry,” Peter apologized later that night after Rhodey finally left the lab (not without giving Tony the time and location of the therapy appointment he set up for him).

Tony winced because those words haunted his mind every day since Titan. “Pete, let’s...let’s avoid saying that, okay? You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“Your best friend thinks you’re crazy. So does your fiance.” He looked down at his feet, pausing for a moment. “I have a lot to be sorry for.”

Tony walked over to where Peter was sitting, his stuffed monkey still lying on the couch with all of the other things Tony brought from his room. Tony wondered how much the kid wanted to pick _any_ of it up. “You have _nothing_ to be sorry for. It was bound to happen sooner or later...they’ve been thinking I’m crazy since the day I came back from Titan.”

“I’m sorry for messing up your life.”

Tony blinked. “Messing up my life? What are you talking about, kid?” If anything, _he_ was the one that messed up the kid’s life.

“You’re falling apart. You’re living in your lab, your relationship with Pepper is so strained, you don’t sleep, you drink so much-- all because of me. Because I was gone. I ruined your life. Three years of your life-- gone because of _me._ ” His wide eyes were welling up with tears and Tony could do nothing to wipe them away.

“No-- Peter, that’s not your fault. Everyone lost these years off of their life-- I think you the most. I’ve been at least in the real world, but you’re stuck there. So, please do not blame yourself for this. We’re going to get you back and then it’s going to be just like it was.”

Peter wiped his own eyes as he thought over Tony’s words. Tony hoped he believed at least _some_ of what he was saying. “I think you should go,” he whispered.

“You think I should...go to therapy?” Tony frowned. “Hate to break it to ya, Pete. But you’re actually here. We both know I’m not crazy.”

“I know you’re not. I know I’m actually here...but, you still,” he paused to swallow thickly. “You still had to hold me as I died. In your arms.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I remember it. I remember crying and clinging to you. I remember being terrified. And-- and you had to deal with it all after I was gone. I know you remember it too.”

Tony shook his head. He did not want to go there. He was not about to talk about this with Peter, of all people. “Peter…”

“I’ve been here. I’ve been here the whole time. I know about the nightmares. You wake up calling my name.” He looked up at the tears that he thought Peter wiped away were still there. “It’s okay to get help. Colonel Rhodes was right. We love you and we just want what’s best.”

Tony couldn’t argue with that. Losing Peter had haunted him since that moment and it would continue to even after he got him back. There was no erasing the memories from his mind. But, he’d been so torn about losing Peter, he didn’t want to try and get better. He didn’t want to be better without Peter. He knew it wasn’t possible. But, maybe now…”You really want me to go, kid?”

Peter nodded his head with a hopeful look in his eyes. “Please, just...try to talk to someone.”

Tony sighed and nodded. “Yeah...okay, kid. I’ll go. For you, I will.”

Peter smiled at him and Tony thought that maybe that was the start to getting better.


	4. hold me up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the slight hiatus, but i'm setting back into my dorm and knew you guys deserved something for waiting so patienty.

“What are you waiting for?” Peter asked, his voice loud. Out of habit, Tony shushed him and Peter rolled his eyes. “It’s not like she can hear me.”

“I-- you were there. You heard us argue. I was an asshole.” He ran a hand through his hair. “She probably even doesn’t want to see me.” 

“You were drunk,” Peter said, his voice softening. “She knows you didn’t mean it. She knows you’re going through a hard time.”

“She told Rhodey I was crazy-- and he believed her.” Tony had wanted to just sleep in Peter’s room, but the kid refused to let Tony avoid this. “You’re here and I’m not going to let her think I’m crazy too.” 

“We both know you’re not. I am here. But, just...apologize. When you figure this out, she’ll see that you were right and then it’ll all work out. But, if you push her away now, it’ll just be a huge mess.” 

Tony knew Peter was right. He had to patch things up with Pepper. She was his fiance, the love of his life. She had been there for him from the very start and he didn’t blame her for getting frustrated. He had put her through so much shit. 

So, he took a deep breath and knocked on the door softly before opening the door. He saw Pepper sitting up in bed, reading through a magazine. He tapped on the door softly to let Peter know she was decent enough to follow inside. Peter offered to just sit outside the door, but Tony refused to let that happen. He didn’t care if Peter insisted he didn’t need sleep, he was going to at least be comfortable for the hours when Tony was asleep. 

“And here I thought you forgot that room outside of your lab didn’t exist,” she said after glancing up at him briefly before turning back to her magazine. 

Tony winced. “I came up here to apologize. I acted like an idiot while you were only trying to help me.” 

Pepper set the magazine on the table next to her. “Rhodey talked to you.”

Tony nodded his head, walking over to the bed. “He did. Suggested a therapist. Made me an appointment.”

“Are you going?” Pepper asked, hesitantly. 

“Yes. Peter said he wanted me to go. Said I needed to talk to someone about what happened.” 

“Peter told you to go,” Pepper said, pursing her lips. 

“Please don’t give me the speech on how crazy I am for being able to see him. I just got that from Rhodey and it’s exhausting. Just understand that I  _ can  _ see him. I’m not imagining him and he’s actually there. I’m gonna figure it all out. Maybe call Bruce-- I don’t know. But I’ll figure it out. I promise.” 

Pepper bit her lip, looking like she wanted to argue with him. But she didn’t. Whether she was tired of arguing or she felt bad for Tony getting all of this shit (when he wasn’t even crazy), she didn’t argue the point. “You can see him now?”

Tony nodded his head, getting hopeful that just maybe she believed him. “He’s been here the whole time, but I just didn’t know. He didn’t appear until the night we argued. I was upset when you left and I think maybe he fed off of my emotions and was able to make himself visible to me.”

She looked around the room. “Is he here now?” 

Tony could see Peter walking closer to their bed through the corner of his eyes. “Yeah. he’s here. He is somehow chained to me and if I go too far from him, he disappears back into the dark.” 

Pepper didn’t ask any questions and that was how Tony knew she didn’t believe him. She would have been asking so many more questions, trying to understand it all. But she wasn’t. She was trying to play into it all until the therapist made him realize he was wrong. Tony tried not to feel angry. 

“Talk about something else,” Peter said, pulling on his suit. Tony knew he was probably missing actual sleeves to anxiously tug on, but his gloves made it impossible to really fidget with his clothes. “I don’t want to make things awkward. I’ll just lay down on the floor, I won’t even see you guys.” 

As he was speaking, Pepper started speaking as well and Peter looked even more anxious. “Why don’t you lay down and get some sleep for tomorrow? You need a good rest.” 

Tony nodded at her before grabbing his pillow off the bed and grabbing a throw blanket off the bottom of the bed. He laid them both on the couch across the room. “Lay here, buddy. It’s comfier than the floor.” 

“I can’t feel the pillow or even lift the blanket above me,” Peter pointed out as he walked over, taking a seat. 

“I know, but I can’t let you just sleep here without anything.” 

“I don’t want to bother you two,” he said, glancing behind Tony to stare at Pepper. She was probably looking at them like Tony was insane. 

“You’re not bothering us. Please try to get some sleep.” 

“Okay, Mr. Stark,” Peter said quietly before laying down and curling on his side, his back to their bed. 

Tony wanted to badly to lift the blanket over him and ruffle his curls before climbing into his bed, but he knew it would do nothing. Not until they figured out how to get Peter back. Until then, he was left with no comfort. 

He slipped into bed without saying another word to Pepper about Peter. He heard her sigh as he pulled the blanket around himself. “Goodnight,” she whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

“Goodnight,” he said back, despite knowing it was not going to be a good night. Not when his family thought he was losing his mind and he got himself roped into a therapy appointment tomorrow and he still had no idea what he needed to do to bring back Peter. 

\---

“I'm glad you could join me today, Mr. Stark.” 

Tony winced. “Tony. Call me Tony, please.” 

“Alright, Tony,” the therapist agreed and it almost made Tony want to laugh thinking about how Peter never called him Tony despite spending months insisting he did. “You can call me Karen then.” 

“Hey,” Peter said, turning around to face them from the wall he was staring at. “I have a Karen too!” 

Tony smiled at the comment. He wondered if he had the mask on if he would be able to talk to Karen. Probably not. He'd have to ask if Peter tried to use the suit since he got stuck like this. But the question would have to wait until after the appointment; they both decided it would be a better idea to not mention the fact that Tony could see and talk to Peter. 

“I'm glad we're smiling. I was told you weren't too happy to come today.” She said, pulling a pen out from the binding of her notebook. 

The smile disappeared off his face as he focused on her again. “What? You expect me to be happy with my best friend going behind my back to make me a therapy appointment?” 

“I'd be happy to have a friend like that.” 

Tony scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. He turned his head to stare at Peter as he inspected all of the doctor's framed PhDs on the wall. 

“There is no shame in going to therapy. You know, 86% of the world sought out professional help after everything happened.”

_ 7.4 billion people snapped in half to 3.7 billion. 86% of that was 3.18. There was supposed to be more people.  _ “Good for them.” 

“You were one of the few that opted out. Not even one session. And it's not like you were spared from loss like some people.” 

_ Could they be considered lucky enough to not lose anyone in the snap if they didn't have anyone to lose in the first place? _

“Why do you care?” Tony huffed, hating this already. 

Peter peered over his shoulder, his eyes full of concern for Tony. “If you don't talk to her, she can't help.” Tony bit his tongue to refrain from commenting back to him. 

“I care because you need help,” she said carefully. “Colonel Rhodes expressed to me that he was worried about how poorly you are still handling the snap.”

Tony narrowed his eyes at her. “Did he tell you how crazy I am?” 

“He did not call you crazy and I don't believe he thinks that. He wants you to have peace again. He wants you to be healthy.” 

“I stopped drinking. I'm gonna start sleeping again.  _ I'm fine.”  _ Tony insisted, squeezing his hand into a fist. 

“Yeah,” Peter scoffed as he came walking over. “Only because I made you.”

Karen spoke over Peter, unaware. “And that is a good start, but I think we should start focusing on the root of what is really bothering you.” She paused. “Who did you lose?” 

Right as she said this, Peter plopped on the floor, crossing his legs. Tony stared at him. The hero that gave his life while fighting a fucking Titan. And no one knew. No one knew Peter Parker. They couldn't understand just what Thanos ripped away from this world. 

Karen sighed. “You can't keep this bottled in. If you don't face it, it holds you back. It hurts you. How do you expect to move on when--.” 

Tony snapped his head back to her and repeated, “Move on? Just forget about him? Act like he never existed?” 

“That's not what moving on is. Moving on is continuing to live. For him. He wouldn't want you to do this. If he could see you now, do you think he'd like what you're doing to yourself? Because of him?” 

“No, he wouldn't,” Pete grumbled, looking down at his lap, tugging on his suit again. “He wouldn't want you to suffer because of him.”

“It's not his fault,” Tony snapped at her, so he could try and calm Peter without giving themselves away. 

“But would he want you to be hurting yourself like this?” She asked again. 

“No. Okay? No, he wouldn't.”  _ But it wasn't that easy.  _

“So, why are you doing this? Why are you stopping yourself from getting help?” She probed, pen raised and ready for notes. 

Tony twitched, breathing heavy. He just wanted to get out of here. “Because I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to live on this earth happy and carefree when that kid lost everything.”

“Mr. Stark…” Peter whispered, looking up at him. Tony avoided his gaze at all costs.

“He was a child,” she clarified, her voice softening. 

Tony squeezed his eyes shut. “Yes. He was a child. He had so much life left and it's-- three years. Gone.” Because Peter wasn't going to miss out on anymore. They were bringing him back. 

“I’m sorry for your loss,” she said genuinely. 

Tony huffed. Like that made any difference. Everyone was always sorry. It did nothing. “So am I.”

“You are a very strong man,” she said. “To go through that and keep living. It requires the toughest of souls.” 

Tony leaned back in his chair, groaning. “Listen, Doc, I gotta call bullshit on that one. Look at me. I'm a fucking mess. I probably would have fucking offed myself if I was strong enough. But, I didn't.”

“I'm glad you didn't.” 

The lights flickered and Tony's eyes shot to where Peter was staring up at him with wide eyes. He looked away immediately. “This is a waste of time.” 

“What else do you have to do right now, Mr. Stark?” She asked, scribbling something on her notepad. “Your fiance is running your company now, so I don't think you have any important work matters. Not in the last three years.”

Tony narrowed his eyes, refusing to rise to the bait. Peter spoke up softly, sniffling, voicing Tony's thoughts. “She's trying to get you to crack. Angry enough to snap. They did it to me after Ben. I think you should talk-- it helps. And she won't stop until you do. I mean, you could sit there for the rest of the session, but it's better to talk. Trust me.” 

All while Peter was speaking to him, Karen continued on trying to get him pissed. He had two people speaking to him at once and it was making his headache a thousand times worse. He just wanted peace and quiet. “Shut up!” He snapped, covering his ears. 

Karen silenced but didn't look offended by his harsh words. Peter hunched his shoulders, looking guilty. 

Tony took a steadying breath. “You all act like I'm crazy. Like I've lost it. But, you're surprised that I broke or that I'm weak. I know I’m pathetic. But what the fuck did everyone expect?” He lowered his voice and said, “My kid died in my arms.”

Karen didn't say anything.

“Sure, other parents lost their kids. But not like I did.” He felt his voice breaking as he said, “Nobody knows what I went through.”

“So tell me.” 

Tony paused, debating if he actually wanted to. “He's not my actual kid, but just imagine this-- imagine this person coming into your life and you don't ever expect  _ anything  _ from it.” He closed his eyes, thinking back to first meeting the kid and wishing he could rewind. “And he holds on so tightly. He holds on tighter than anyone ever has before and you don't even care. In fact, you start to enjoy it. Like this new leech is the best thing that's ever happened and when he's not there, you wish he was.”

“You love him,” she said softly. 

Tony's eyes snapped open. “What? No.”

Karen rolled her eyes. “Don't play this game. It's only us here. It's okay to admit you love him.” She paused. “You know what love is. There are many different kinds of love. Romantic, platonic, familial.” 

Tony always knew he loved Peter. He tried to ignore it. But he always knew it was there. 

“It hurts so much because you love him,” she said in a whisper. “And you never got to tell him.”

“Yeah, well…” Tony trailed off with a shrug of his shoulders, unsure of what else to say.

“So tell him.”

“What?” Tony said in a slight panic.  _ Did see know Peter was sitting there with them?  _

“Turn and face the other side of the couch. Pretend like he's sitting next to you, listening. Tell him what you never got the chance to say.”

Peter stood up, a small smile on his face as he hurried over and took a seat where Karen was gesturing to. “Yeah, Mr. Stark. Tell me.” 

Tony was grateful that at least he was joking around. He seemed close to breaking down in tears only moments ago. He rolled his eyes, turning to face Peter. “I’m proud of you,” he said in a low voice. 

Peter faltered like he wasn’t expecting Tony to take this seriously. “Mr. Stark--.” 

“I’m proud of you,” Tony said again so Peter would just listen for once. “And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for dragging you into this shit. I’m sorry for ignoring you at first before I got to know you. I’m sorry.” 

Peter shook his head. “No. Don’t apologize, Mr. Stark. You don’t need to--.” 

Tony took a deep breath. “I love you, kid. I love you so much and-- I’m sorry that I never told you.” He didn’t realize he was holding back tears until he noticed the two matching tracks of tears on Peter’s cheeks. The kid wiped his face, sniffling softly. 

Karen spoke again as Peter was whispering his, “I love you,” back. Tony could just barely hear it over her. “See...don't you feel better? Even just a bit?” 

Tony didn't look away from Peter as he answered, “Yeah...it kinda does.”

\---

The room was quiet. They hadn't spoken since they got out of Karen’s office and went back to the lab. Tony was trying to ignore everything as he tinkered with something random on his desk.  He knew Peter was sitting on the floor by the corner as DUM-E rolled around him. He was staring down at the monkey Tony had kept on the couch for him. Tony knew he was thinking; he wanted to say something. 

After a few minutes, Tony heard him clear his throat. “I'm proud of you too.” 

Tony paused his work but didn't turn around. “You're proud of me?” 

“Yes. For going to the appointment and talking with her. I know how hard it can be.” He sounded anxious and Tony remembered Peter mentioning seeing a therapist after Ben’s death. 

“It's easier to deal with now that I know you’re okay,” he admitted. “No need to drink myself into a stupor anymore.” 

He laughed, but Peter didn't find his joke funny. “Stop it,” he practically snapped.

“Stop what?” Tony frowned, still staring down at his workbench. 

“Joking about the drinking and, and nearly killing yourself. It's not funny. I don't find it funny.” 

“Sorry, kiddo, I won’t--.” 

“Turn around.” 

Tony refused to. 

Peter walked over and stood in front of him. “Look up at me. Please.” 

Tony couldn't ignore him. Not after not being able to see him for so long, how could he not look at him now that he was finally back? He lifted his head and wasn't surprised to see the kid’s eyes welling with tears. Ghost Peter was much more emotional than Real Peter. 

“I know it's all a joke to you-- that's how you cope, but for once...try to deal with it in a more healthy way. In a way that doesn't make light of how you mourned and what you did.” 

“Kid,” Tony sighed, “I'm fine now. You don't have to worry about me going back to drinking. I promised you, didn't I?” He knew it was easier said than done and his body still craved the alcohol to numb it all, but he thought of Peter and that helped him stay clean. Just barely.

“But what about me? What if  _ I'm  _ not fine?” He asked, his voice cracking. “I had to watch Ben die. He bled out in my arms. I was there. I was there for his last words, his last breath, his last everything. And I could do  _ nothing  _ to save him. I could only watch.”

Tony straightened up and listened intently. He'd heard the story from May and he learned about it from news reports of that day. But he never heard about it from Peter. Whenever he spoke of Ben, it was only the good memories. 

“And when you started drinking-- it was Ben all over again. I could only sit there and  _ watch  _ as you slowly killed yourself. It didn't matter how much I begged or cried or pleaded. You didn’t hear me and it was terrifying. Every time you passed out drunk, I had no idea if you were ever going to open your eyes again. Do you know how terrifying that is?” The tears were streaming down his cheeks again and Tony desperately wanted to wipe them away. 

“Pete-- I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were there. I wish I could take it all back. I would. If I could, I would do it in a heartbeat.” He reached out a hand to Peter, even though he knew it could offer no comfort. 

“I know you didn't. I know,” he said. “But...now you do. So, please, don't make jokes. Not about this. You went through a lot and I'm not blaming you for how you reacted-- I know how bad I was after I lost Ben. I'm just asking you to let yourself get better. You deserve it.” 

“I'm trying,” Tony said honestly. “I’m trying, kiddo.”

“And that's why I'm proud of you,” he whispered. “You're really strong. That's something to be proud of.” 

Tony hesitated, wondering if it was a good time to crack open the case of Ben. This was the first time Peter had mentioned him in reference to him mourning and a curious part of Tony wanted to know how Peter dealt with it. “You've got a lot to be proud of too. You dealt with Ben. I'm proud of you for that. It's not easy for a child to lose their parent.”  _ Parents.  _ God, Peter lost three parents. 

Peter looked down, scrunching his face up in thought. “It wasn't easy. I only… I was only so upset at you because I know how it felt. I was angry. I was snapping at May and I didn't want to deal with it all. She sent me to therapy and I didn't speak.”

“I'm glad you decided to talk and to let it out.” 

Peter shrugged his shoulders. “You have Ned to thank for that. I was being such an ass, but he never gave up on me. In fact, while you're at it, thank him for keeping me alive too. Because if it weren't for him and May, I wouldn't be here today.”

Tony took a moment to let the weight of that confession sink in. “I don't think I've ever been more thankful for anyone in the world.” 

Peter nodded like he understood, but Tony knew he couldn’t understand just how thankful he was for those two. Life without Peter Parker was unimaginable-- he’d tried for three years and look where it left him. “I’m here,” he said quietly. “Just like they were for me, I’m here for you. You don’t have to do this alone. Even if right now, it feels that way since I can’t even be seen by anyone other than you.” 

Tony chuckled. “Yeah, that’s a slight bump in the road, but we’re gonna figure it out. You’re still here, so there’s a way to get you back. I know it.” He hesitated. “Maybe the others would be able to help.” He hadn’t spoken to the remaining Avengers in years, even before the battle against Thanos. They’d tried to get in touch with him when they continued their crusade, but Tony wanted nothing to do with it.

“Maybe they can help,” Peter agreed. “I know it’s been a while and last time you even talked to Steve, you screamed at him and told him to never see you again, but it’ll be okay. He still wants to help. And they’re still trying to undo the snap, right? Maybe I could help since you can communicate with me.” 

Tony blinked. “Wait-- when did I scream at Cap?”

Peter winced. “Oh, you were drunk-- it wasn’t a good time. I try to forget it honestly. You can be pretty terrifying when you want to be.”

“I don’t even remember,” he murmured. 

“He didn’t seem angry. He knew you didn’t mean any of it. You were just upset. Everything was still fresh,” Peter said. 

“You think I could really help them?” Tony asked, picking at a loose hangnail. “I mean, even after I abandoned them.” 

“I know you guys had this big falling out and the Avengers all split up, but you’re still a family. Don’t let a fight ruin your relationship with them before it’s too late to make amends. Take it from someone that would give  _ anything  _ to apologize but never got the chance to tell the person they fought with how sorry they are. For everything,” Peter said softly. 

Tony closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. “Okay. You win. I’ll give him a call. But I think I’ve dealt with enough emotional draining for today, so how about we just relax and watch a movie?  _ Star Tours?” _

Peter rolled his eyes, not even bothering to correct him. “It’s been three years since I’ve seen Han Solo, get ready to binge them all. Starting with the sequels. And we stop before the reboots.” 

Tony laughed. “Sounds good, kiddo. Just remember I can see you now, so don’t get too excited when you see him for the first time.” 

Peter’s face turned bright red. “God, I can’t wait to smack you again.” 

“I await the day,” Tony said with a smile. 

\---

Tony made it through almost the entire third movie before he passed out. He didn’t even know he was asleep until he was being shaken awake. He jolted awake, his heart racing. He could barely hear a voice over his heavy breathing. Someone was holding his wrist, but Tony couldn’t focus. 

He closed his eyes and he saw Rhodey...he saw Rhodey abandoning at him, calling him crazy, refusing to help him and letting. He knew it was only because of the fight, but the thought of losing Rhodey, his best friend of  _ years _ made him unable to control his breathing. 

There was a hand splayed across his chest. “Breathe, you need to calm your breathing. It’s okay.” 

Tony shook his head. “Can’t.” 

“Yes, you can,” the voice insisted. “You just need to relax. You’re safe.”

Tony swallowed, desperately trying to contain his panic. “Don’t go. Please don’t go,” he begged to the unknown person trying to comfort him. He couldn’t be abandoned. He couldn’t be left alone. 

There was a hand cupping his cheek and it’s warm and it feels different from any touch he’s ever felt before. It almost buzzed-- maybe because his senses were in overdrive. “I’m not going anywhere. It’s okay, Mr. Stark.” 

_ Mr. Stark.  _

Peter was the only person that called him that, which meant he was the one that was comforting him. So the person touching him was...He snapped his eyes open and saw Peter leaning over him with worry filling his eyes. But his hand was over his chest still and Tony  _ could feel it.  _

He grabbed Peter’s wrist and it didn’t go through. After a moment of confusion, Peter’s eyes widened. “You can hold me! You can-- I can touch you and you can touch me. You can feel me?”

Tony nodded his head, his previous panic being replaced with relief. They were closer to figuring it out-- Tony could touch him which meant...he didn’t waste another second before wrapping his arms around Peter and pulling him in for a giant hug. He squeezed him tighter than he’d hugged anyone in decades. 

Peter coughed a little at the pressure but wrapped his arms around him and clung just as tightly. He dug his face into Tony’s neck and Tony felt the tickle. It wasn’t like he was holding a human Peter, but it was still something. 

He pulled back and Peter was smiling hugely at him, happy tears in his eyes. “That was the first hug I’ve had in three years-- since Titan.” 

It hit Tony like a sack of bricks. Sure, Tony didn’t want it, but he’s been touched and hugged. People could comfort him, but Peter was stuck alone. He had no way of getting a hug. It was why he always hugged himself when anxious because up until now, that was the only comfort he received. 

“Then get in here, kid, we’ve got a lot of hugs to make up,” he said pulling him tight against his chest. He ran a hand through his hair just like he used to and Peter let out an actual purr at the sensation. Tony laughed. “You like that, squirt?”

Peter nestled into his side, not daring to let go of him. Like he was afraid if he let go he would never feel him again. 

“How’d you do it?” Tony asked after Peter settled between Tony and the back of the couch. There was no way he was leaving any time soon. “How did you get like-- corporeal?”

“I don’t know,” Peter admitted. “I just...you were panicking and you weren’t waking up or even acknowledging me until I touched you. I just knew I needed to help you.” 

Tony winced and the thought of Peter seeing him suffer through a panic attack. “I’m sorry for interrupting your movie, but hey, at least you can touch again, right?”

“Mr. Stark,” Peter said. “What did I say about me being here? I want to help you. You’re upset and I want to help you feel better.” He paused. “What was your dream about?”

Images of Rhodey abandoning him and Pepper divorcing him haunted his mind. He kept carding his hands through Peter’s curls to try and ease his nerves. They didn’t feel as soft as they usually were, but they were still something. “Don’t worry about it, kiddo.” 

Peter paused. “It was about Rhodey, wasn’t it? You called for him.” 

Tony closed his eyes, debating whether or not he should tell Peter. In the end, he knew he couldn’t hide it from Peter. The kid wasn’t stupid; he knew exactly what it was. “Yeah, well, it turns out your best friend calling you crazy messes you up.”

“He’s not going to leave you. He’s just worried. Ned never left my side through everything I put him through…” Peter trailed off. 

“Once we figure this out, we can both tell Colonel Doubter that we told him so,” Tony said, rubbing Peter’s back. 

Peter laughed, but it didn’t sound like he was really feeling it. “Yeah. Sounds good.” 

“You okay?” Tony asked softly. 

“I was just thinking...when you call Steve and figure out if you’re going to go meet them, maybe can we stop by and see May? I know you’re nervous about telling more people, but even if you don’t mention me, I’d like to see her.” 

Tony felt like an asshole for not thinking of it earlier. “Of course, kiddo. We’ll go see her tomorrow, okay? I need some fresh anyway and I’m sure you miss what the actual outside looks like.” 

Peter’s laugh this time sounded much happier now that he knew he was able to see May. “Yeah. Having an in-house therapist is really neat for all of the Stark employees and stuff, but I thought you’d have to go outside to see her today.”

“Nah, after everything, Pepper hired her to be here for everyone when they needed it, free of charge,” Tony said. Just another thing Pepper had to take care of for Tony while he did nothing. 

“You’re looking a little pale. It’s been months since you went outside.”

“I’ve outside a few times in the past weeks,” Tony said. 

“Anytime shorter than an hour doesn’t count,” he replied. 

“Fine. Tomorrow we’ll go see May and go find Cap and his merry band of buddies.” 

Peter settled against his chest again with a content hum. “Thank you,” he whispered. 

Before Tony let himself fall asleep, he pulled out his phone and made the call. When the ringing stopped he said, “Hey, Cap. You still need my help?”


	5. never gonna be alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I've only got 2 more pre-written chapters done after this one, so I better get my life together and start writing....I hope you enjoy!

“See?” Peter said as they stepped out of the car in front of his apartment building. You’re in the sun and didn’t burn to death. You were scaring me there for a second-- I thought you turned into a vampire with that complexion of yours.”

“Ha ha, very funny.” Tony rolled his eyes, looking around. It wasn’t like he’d been inside for the past three years, but whenever he was outside he never looked around to enjoy the scenery. He didn’t want to enjoy anything the kid couldn’t anymore. “Let’s get inside. Steve is expecting us at the sanctuary.”

“I’m glad you called him,” Peter said, walking next to Tony. “I think we never could win because we were split up. You know how it goes:  a house divided against itself cannot stand.”

“Okay, Honest Abe, thank you for your words of wisdom.” Tony shook his head, opening the door and walking inside the lobby. It had been months since he’d been here last. 

Peter didn’t answer back with a sarcastic quip of his own because he was too busy looking around the lobby with wide eyes. It wasn’t much, in fact, it was a little run down...but to Peter, it was home. 

“C’mon, kiddo, let’s go,” he said, motioning his head towards the elevators. Peter nodded his head quickly and followed him to the elevators. Once they were inside and no one else was around, Tony spoke again, “Are you sure you don’t want me to tell her about you? I really don’t mind.” 

Peter was bouncing slightly in excitement. “No, it’s fine. I don’t want her to call you insane and like kick you out of the apartment because she thinks you’re making fun of her or something. She believes in that stuff. We’d watch ghost shows all the time and we always talked about going on a paranormal road trip where we could go ghost hunting. Ben would always just roll his eyes because you know…”

Tony waited patiently for his mini-rant to end. Sometimes it stopped in the most random spots and Tony just let it be. Peter wasn’t aware he did it-- he was just used to trailing off when no one else could hear it. 

“Ben wasn’t a believer, huh?” 

“Nope,” Peter replied. “Seeing is believing for him I guess.” 

Tony shrugged his shoulders. “Well, May’s not like that you said. So maybe she’ll believe--.”

“I don’t...you don’t need to do it. Happy’s the only one that’s believed you. I don’t want to put you through someone calling you crazy again. I’m grateful you’re just taking me here to  _ see  _ her.” 

Tony sighed. “Okay...but if you change your mind, just let me know, okay?”

“Got it,” Peter said, nodding his head with a smile. 

The elevator doors opened and Tony took a deep breath before stepping into the hallway. Peter followed on his heels, staying quiet. They stopped outside Peter’s apartment door and Tony lifted his hand and knocked. “Coming!” He heard from inside and out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Peter perk up at the sound of his aunt’s voice. 

She opened the door and frowned when she saw Tony. “Tony-- what...is everything okay?” 

Tony swallowed as he felt Peter grab onto his wrist and squeeze. He mustered a smile for her. “I was in town...thought I’d say hi.”

May rolled her eyes and opened the door to let him in. “Come on. I’ll make us lunch. It’s about time you came to see me.” 

Tony stepped inside and Peter only hesitated a moment before hurrying inside. “She’s so...different,” he whispered, staring at her as she walked into the kitchen. “I didn’t...I mean I know it’s been three years, but I dunno…” 

The kid was right-- May definitely had changed since he last saw her. She’d grown older and the grief of losing her child wasn’t too kind. The life lines on her face were much more noticable. Her hair was cut short to her shoulders and she was wearing a large t-shirt and a pair of sweats. She had gone through a tough time with it as well. Tony wasn’t sure she was going to make it, but she pulled through. Not back to where she was, but she was living again. 

“Still just as beautiful,” Tony teased him, but May heard him as well. Tony winced, knowing he’d have to do better controlling what he said. Thankfully, this didn’t seem weird for him to say. 

“Oh, stop it, Stark. You’re years past flattery.” She laughed, pulling a pot out of the cabinet and filling it up with water. 

Tony chuckled. “So what are we having?” 

“Mac and cheese good?” She asked, a shadow crossing over her eyes. “I haven’t made it in a while.” 

Tony nodded his head. “Of course. Is there anything I can help you with?”

She shook her head, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m fine. You take a seat-- but you can tell me the real reason you’re here while you’re waiting.” 

“You don’t think I was just driving by and wanted to see the most beautiful woman in Queens?” He asked, his lip upturning in a grin. 

“Blech,” Peter said from hi spot next to May. “Stop flirting with my aunt when I’m right here.” 

Tony hid his laugh behind a cough as May spoke, “You know I see right through bullshit. Don’t try this with me.” Tony sighed but didn’t answer her. She finished setting up the pot on the stove and turned around to face him. She leaned against the counter, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m waiting.” 

With a heavy sigh, Tony said, “Fine. Pepper and Rhodey ganged up on me and forced me to go talk to a therapist.” 

May’s posture softened and she smiled. “You went to a therapist? Tony-- I’m really proud of you.” Her voice was nothing but sincere. 

Tony looked down at his feet. “Yeah. It was real fun. Lots of  _ healing _ .” 

“It takes a while,” she said in a low voice. “There are plenty of days when I feel like nothing is better, but other days I’m okay. It’ll get...easier to deal with over time. Talking and getting it out though, that’s good.” 

“Yeah…” Tony sniffed, trying to control his emotions before they got away from him. Not because they lost Peter but because they got him back and Tony was  _ hiding  _ it from May. 

“So, your therapist told you to come see me?” She asked, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

Tony chuckled. “No...I just...I thought it’s been too long.”

“You locked yourself in that lab of yours. But, I have missed your company,” May admitted. She took a seat next to Tony and grabbed his hand. “We’re the only ones that understand the hurt behind losing Peter. No one else understands,” she said. 

Tony shook his head. “Nope.”

“I miss him like hell too. Every second of every day,” she whispered, her voice thick with tears. “Maybe...maybe now that you’re figuring all of this out, you don’t hide yourself anymore. We can be there for each other.” 

Tony shut his eyes and said, “I’m sorry.” Though he wasn’t sure if he was apologizing to Peter or his aunt. 

“For what?”

“For leaving you when you were hurting too. But-- I’ve been a mess, May. I didn’t want you to see me crash like I did. God, it was horrible.”  _ And Peter had to see it all.  _

__ “We all cope in different ways, Tony. I didn’t get out of bed for almost 2 weeks after Ben. It took Peter coming in everyday to take care of me and get me out. Maybe you just needed a Peter to pull you back up.” 

He looked up at her and saw her smiling softly at him. “Good thing I’ve got another Parker then.” 

“I could never replace Peter for you, but yeah, I can take care of you just as well as he did.” She gave his hand one last squeeze before going to check on the boiling water. She poured in a box of bowtie pasta shells. 

“How is she doing? Is...is she doing okay? I was so afraid she’d react like when Ben died and there would be no one here to help her. She looks...she looks okay,” Peter said, staring at her with a smile. He wasn’t upset she was happy without him, he was relieved. 

“How are you doing, May?” He asked for the kid. “No lies. No hiding. Are you...are you doing okay? I don’t want you to go through this alone.” 

She turned back to him, the smile still there. “I’m okay, Tony. I’ve got people at work that check in. Reyna and I get together at least once every week still.”

Peter perked up. “Reyna! That’s Ned’s mom!” He started tugging on the sleeves to his suit. Just like he did every time he mentioned Ned. Something was making him anxious about his best friend. But he hadn’t asked any questions about him.

“You’re a strong woman,” he told her. “With everything you’ve lost and you’re still fighting the good fight.” 

May chuckled, shrugging her shoulders. “I do it for him.” 

Tony nodded and they lapsed into a comfortable silence while May strained the pasta and mixed in the cheese. She seperated it onto two plates and placed them on the table. Tony stood up to get their drinks and was surprised to see a bottle of apple juice in there. He took it out, followed by two cups. May smiled when she saw what he chose. 

“Peter’s favorite dinner,” Tony said. “Mac and cheese and apple juice.” 

Peter was looking over their shoulders in excitement. “How good does it smell, Mr. Stark?”

“It smells delicious,” Tony said to May. And it did. Tony hated that Peter couldn’t smell it because it was the best thing he’s smelt in a while. 

“Dig in then before it gets cold,” she said, taking a seat. Tony did so and immediately burnt his mouth. He yelped and dropped his fork. May laughed. “Let it cool  _ a little.  _ You’re just like Peter. Every time I made him this, he’d get so excited he’d forget to blow on it before eating.”

Tony narrowed his eyes when he heard the kid laughing at him too. “I hope I can still taste after burning my tastebuds off.” 

“You’re gonna love it, Mr. Stark. I know May is like the actual worst cook in Queens, but the things she can cook are  _ amazing _ .” 

Tony blew on his next forkful and discovered Peter was right. This was delicious. “S’really good,” he said. 

May smiled, almost sadly, as she put her fork in her bowl. “God, I don’t know if it’s just because it’s been so long since I last saw him, but...sometimes it’s like looking at him again.” She quickly clarified, “Not that you  _ look  _ alike, but you both have these mannerisms. I didn’t realize it until he was gone...but sometimes I look at you and there’s a little bit of Peter shining through.” 

Tony was caught speechless. He had no idea what to say to that...May saw Peter  _ in him?  _ “May…”

“I’m sorry-- I just...I do. I see him in you and I always saw a part of you in him. You were good for each other and I’m glad that he got to know you at least for a few years before…” her voice broke and she wiped at her eyes. After taking a steadying breath, she said, “I’m glad he was with you when it happened. If I wasn’t there to hold him, I’m glad it was you.”

Tony watched as she wiped at her eyes and then back at Peter who was looking upset at not being able to comfort his aunt either. He thought about how May never got to say her goodbyes. She went to work that day, never once imagining that Peter wouldn’t make it back. She thought she had time and now...now she had the chance to talk to him again. And Tony was robbing that of her. 

He couldn’t. 

“May,” he said, his voice loud and making her jump slightly. 

She wiped her eyes and said, “Yeah?” 

He took a deep breath and Peter knew exactly what he was going to do. “No, Mr. Stark. It’s okay--.”

But Tony ignored him. “I know this is going to sound  _ insane _ , but please believe me. I can...I can see Peter.” He held his breath waiting for the,  _ ‘What the fuck?’  _

__ “You...can see Peter?” She repeated slowly, her eyebrows knitting in confusion. “Like as in, he’s here right now and only you can see him because he’s a...ghost?”

Tony bit his lip, wondering if he made a mistake. “I know it’s crazy. But yes. He’s not a ghost but not in terms of being dead,” he said, having no other way to avoid the ‘d word’. “He’s stuck. Between here and wherever the hell the others went.”

She started looking around the kitchen with wide eyes. “Where is he?” 

“Wait-- just like...that you believe me?” Tony asked incredulously. “You don’t wanna book me a therapy appointment or call me crazy?”

May turned to face him with a frown. “Of course I believe you. Why would you lie to me about this?”

Tony rubbed his neck. “We were nervous about saying anything to you because so far it’s been 1 out of 3, now 2 out of 4 including you. Pepper and Rhodey think I’m crazy.” 

May’s face softened. “Not me. I believe you 100%. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me-- is that why you’re really here?”

Tony finally felt relieved as he smiled smally. “The kid wanted to see you. We were supposed to keep it a secret so you didn’t think I was mocking you and kick me out.” 

“You would never. I know he’s here. I can... _ feel  _ him here. I just--.” She was cut off by Peter finally rushing forward and wrapping his arms around her. She froze on the spot and looked at Tony with wide eyes. “I feel something-- there’s something--.”

“That’s Pete,” Tony said softly. “He’s giving you a hug.” 

May broke down in tears. “Oh, baby. I was so scared I lost you forever. I was so scared.” She shut her eyes as Peter continued to hold her. Tony heard him trying to cover sniffles as well. “I feel you, baby. I do. God, I love you so much.”

“I miss you, Aunt May. I miss you so much.” Peter whispered into her neck as he hugged her tightly. 

Tony didn’t feel like he deserved to witness such a private moment, but he needed to be the link between the two of them. “He says he misses you too. He misses you so much.” 

“I wish I could see him-- I wish I could hold him.” May said tearfully as she wiped her eyes. “Can you hold him or is he alone?”

“I can-- it’s not the same, but yes. I can hold him.” He smiled knowingly. “I gave him his hug. Until we get him back, that’s all I can do.” 

“Get him back?” She asked, sitting up straighter. Peter moved to let her change her position, but he stayed close with a hand holding her arm. 

“Well, I can’t leave him like this,” Tony said. “We’re not sure what we’re doing yet. We don’t even understand how it works or why he came to me, but we’re going to figure it out. I promise you. We’re on our way to see Steve and the others and the sanctuary.” 

“Thank you for stopping here. I...I can’t believe he’s okay.”

“I still can’t believe you believed this crazy thing,” Tony scoffed. 

May rolled her eyes. “Tony, my son wa-- _ is  _ part spider. Nothing is crazy anymore.” She cleared her throat, looking next to her for Peter. Her eyes were focused on his shoulder. “Is he still here? How is he doing? Is he okay?”

“He’s fine. He’s been here since just about the beginning. Finally managed to get through to me. But he’s okay and we’re going to get him back safely,” Tony reassured her. 

“Thank you. I know you will. I know you’ll bring him back.” She suddenly stood up from her seat and even Peter took a step back in surprise. She wrapped her arms around Tony and squeezed him tightly. She hadn’t hugged him this tightly since the funeral. “Thank you, Tony. God,  _ thank you so much.” _

__ Tony wrapped his arms around her, looking at Peter over her shoulder. He was smiling softly at them, but Tony could see the slightly envy in his eyes. Not that he meant to be jealous, but it wasn’t fair that he wasn’t the one getting a hug from his aunt. “It’s not a problem. Thank your kid for being so persistent and finding me.” 

“He’s a smart kid,” she said, pulling back. “I’m really proud of you, Peter. We’re gonna bring you back, okay? It’s all going to be okay soon.” 

Peter nodded his head, fidgeting as he stared down at his feet. “Can you ask her about Ned? How is he doing?” 

“Of course, kiddo,” Tony said before turning his attention back to May. “He’s asking about Ned.” 

May smiled over to where Tony was looking previously so she could speak directly to Peter. He was glad she wasn’t just speaking to him through Tony; this made Peter feel more connected to the world around him. “He’s good. He misses you too. He misses his best friend a lot.” 

Peter looked up with wide eyes. “Really-- he does?”

Tony frowned, tilting his head in confusion. “Of course he does, kiddo. Did you think your best friend was going to forget about you?” 

“I-I dunno…” Peter stuttered with a shrug of his shoulders, meaning he  _ did  _ think Ned was going to stop caring about Peter Parker once he was gone. “Maybe he moved on or something. It’s been 3 years.” 

May tugged on his arm, whispering, “What’s he saying?”

“Our lovely Peter here is saying how he’s surprised that Ned Leeds would still care about him, 3 years after the fact.” 

May shook her head. “Him and his self-deprecation...Peter, you are insane if you think that boy would just  _ forget  _ about you. He still talks about you. You’re still his best friend.” 

Peter’s shoulders sagged in relief and Tony raised his eyebrows. “Is that why you’ve been so nervous about Ned? You were afraid he wasn’t going to care?”

May crossed her arms over her chest. “I take back what I said. He’s a real idiot sometimes.” 

“Am not!” Peter argued petulantly. 

“He’s being a baby,” Tony told May. “Whining about how he’s not a idiot.”

“I said  _ sometimes _ ,” May said. 

“I hate you two.” 

“Oh. He hates us now.” 

May laughed, tucking a strand of her behind her ear that fell in front of her face. “Love you, baby.” 

Peter’s face softened. “Larb you too.” 

Tony furrowed his brow but relayed the message to May anyway. When she heard the phrase, she broke down crying once again. 

\---

After a few hours with May, Tony and Peter said their goodbyes to head to the sanctuary. It was dark by the time they got out and Tony didn’t expect to be this long, but it was well worth it. Peter was smiling widely besides him, practically buzzing with excitement. 

“Have a good day, kiddo?” Tony asked once they were in the car. 

Peter nodded. “Yes! Thank you for telling her, Mr. Stark. I missed her so much and I never thought I’d get to speak to her again.” 

“Don’t worry. Soon you’ll be right back in her arms.”

“I didn't think she’d believe you.” He took a deep breath. “She  _ talked to me _ . Besides for you, nobody’s spoken to me in years. It feels so nice to be noticed.” 

Tony tried not to let those words sink in too much. “You’re hanging in there like a champ. I wouldn’t have been able to make it that long with just myself. Although, we gotta work on you spacing out.”

Peter winced. “Sorry. It’s a force of habit.” 

Tony chuckled. “I know. Don’t worry, we’ll work on it once you’re back. But if you start blanking like you do with me, people will definitely think you’re crazy.” 

Shrugging his shoulders, Peter said, “Yeah...I’ll figure it out. It’s easy to forget that other people can hear me. It’s hard to get used to just you. I can’t imagine what it’ll be like once  _ everyone  _ can see and hear me.” 

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. I’ll be right with you every step of the way, buddy. Don’t worry,” Tony said softly. He didn’t want to worry the kid, but it was definitely a concern for him-- how Peter was used to acting when he was the only one in the world and then suddenly, he’d be thrown back into it. 

“Thank you,” Peter said, looking out the window as they continued to drive towards the sanctum. “For helping me with everything. I definitely couldn’t do this without you.” 

“You don’t have to thank me for this,” Tony answered immediately. 

Peter pressed his hand against the glass window as he looked at the city lights in the dark. “Doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it.” 

Tony didn’t say anything after that, letting the radio fill the silence. It wasn’t awkward either; Peter was enjoying himself looking around at the city around him he hadn’t seen in 3 years. Tony wished he could have driven around for hours to let Peter see it all, but they were already late. 

Once they pulled up in front of the sanctum, Tony pulled out his bag and took his time so Peter could stay outside for as long as possible. It was dark and a little cold, but Tony didn’t think the temperature affected him. “Come on, kiddo, we’ll have plenty of time exploring once you get back.” 

Peter hesitated only a moment before stepping closer to Tony to follow him inside. Before he went in, he whispered to him in a low voice. “Remember, this time we’re gonna keep it a secret. Just...just until we figure out some stuff, okay? I don’t know all of these people that well.” 

“I thought we were going to see the Avengers?” 

“Like I said, I don’t know these people all that well,” Tony repeated, hating that part of the only family he had left were strangers to him now. He sighed, feeling bad for putting that on Peter. “Listen, kid, it’s nothing-- it’s just been years since I’ve spoken to them. Even before I hid myself from the world. I just want to assess what we’re dealing with before I start parading you around.” 

“It’s okay. I understand. I’ll behave. No making things float to scare anyone.” Peter grinned. 

Tony chuckled. “Keep that one on the table. I’d like to see how Spangles would react to that.” 

Peter laughed and despite whatever was waiting for him behind these doors, Tony knew he’d get through it with Peter by his side. The kid always seemed to be able to make anything bearable. Tony forgot how much he depended on Peter. It was no wonder Tony lost it without him. 

He stepped inside with one last glance to Peter before shutting the doors behind them. “Hello,” he called out, looking around. He knew it was late, but he was hoping someone would be awake. 

“Maybe they’re sleeping,” Peter mused as he walked inside, looking around. “This place is so awesome.” He ran his fingers on some weird looking statue against the wall. Tony bit his lip to stop himself from telling Peter to keep his hands off of this stuff-- who knew what the hell it could do?

Before Tony could go and just find his own room to crash in, someone came walking down the stairs. Tony turned around and he almost didn’t recognize him. He’d seen him years ago with that beard, but he still wasn’t used to seeing Steve Rogers with facial hair. “Hey, Tony,” he said quietly. 

Tony sniffed, sticking his hands in his pockets. They had cleared the air after the snap, but Tony still wasn’t able to put it all in the past. Steve was trying hard to fix things between them, but it wasn’t as easy for Tony to forget. “Rogers.” 

His smile faltered. “Wong told me to show you to your room. We were all coming in when you called me...Wong says he sensed something going on with the soul stone. I think we’ve got a chance.” 

“Do you think it’s me?” Peter asked. “Am I what’s going on with the soul stone?”

“Figured it was time for me to get off my butt and start helping,” Tony said, shrugging his shoulders. 

“I heard you’ve been having it rough lately,” Steve said after a moment of hesitation. “I’m glad to see you’re feeling better. I know how hard it is to lose them.” 

Tony crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes. “Who told you I’ve been having it rough?” 

“Play nice, Mr. Stark,” Peter warned. 

“Besides for you being absent from public eye for months?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “Rhodey told me.” Tony scoffed and Steve continued, “I asked him how you were. I was worried.” 

“I’m sure you were, Spangles.” 

_ “Mr. Stark.”  _

Tony winced, glancing at Peter briefly before turning back to Steve. “I’m sorry-- that was rude.” 

Steve chuckled softly even though Tony wasn’t sure what the hell was so humorous about this. “It’s good to have you back, Tony. We couldn’t do this without you.” 

“Sorry for leaving you all hanging,” Tony said and genuinely meant it. “Didn’t expect to get knocked down so hard.”

“Grief hits us all differently. Especially when you’re grieving for a child,” Steve said softly. 

Tony looked away from him at a far wall. This was why he hated this man so much sometimes-- he really was just about perfect. Sure, he made mistakes, but he made mistakes for family and Tony could respect that. But he really was the man everyone wanted to be-- the man his father went on and on about. 

“Well, I’ll let you get some sleep. We’ve got a long day ahead of us tomorrow and you don’t need me keeping you up. Sleeping quarters are just up these stairs and all down the east hallway. You’re the third one on the left.”

Tony nodded and started to walk up the stairway. When he noticed Steve wasn’t following, he asked, “You not coming along?”

Steve shook his head. “I’m waiting for the others to get in. We’re gonna have a full house.” He smiled gave him an almost sad smile as if he were reminiscing on the days when they were all together in the tower. 

Tony debated on whether he should stay and keep him company-- maybe talk things out. He shook his head. That was a conversation that would be just  _ emotions _ and it was way too late for Tony to deal with that. “Night, Cap.” 

Steve’s smile turned genuine. “Goodnight, Tony.”

Tony continued walking up the stairs and following Steve’s directions to his room. Peter was oddly quiet. When they entered the room, he turned to look at the kid and saw he was silently staring at him. “Okay, what’s up?” 

“Nothing,” Peter replied quickly. 

“Usually you’re talking my ear off, even when someone else is talking. Why are you being quiet now?” He asked, knowing the kid had a reason. 

“You told me to be quiet!” He argued. 

_ “Peter,”  _ he said, seeing right through his bullshit. This kid never listened to him. 

Peter groaned. “Okay, I was going to say something, but I don’t think it’s my place to say anything.” 

Tony rolled his eyes. “When has that ever stopped you before? You’re always in my business.” 

“I don’t want to upset you,” he said carefully. 

“You’re not going to upset me,” Tony assured him. “Just tell me what you’re thinking. Please.” 

Peter hesitated as he probably thought over what he wanted to say. “I think you should forgive Captain Rogers.” 

Tony blinked. He wasn’t expecting  _ that _ . “Kid, I appreciate it, but--.”

“I know,” Peter said quickly. “I have no idea what happened in Siberia or why you came back with a black eye. It’s none of my business. But the man I just saw in there cares about you. He may have messed up and he doesn’t deserve a second chance, but I think you should try and fix things.”

“It’s not that easy, Pete,” Tony said, taking a seat on the bed. 

“Maybe not. But he’s family right?”

Tony scoffed. “Was.” 

“He’s still family. A fight doesn’t change that. I know you still care for him too. You want to forgive him.” Peter took a seat next to him, fiddling with his hands in his lap. 

“Kid…” Tony said, unsure of what else to say. He just didn’t understand. 

“Ned and I got into a big fight once. We didn’t speak for almost a month,” Peter said. “At the time, it was the worst thing he could of ever done. Now, I can barely remember what we fought about. A fight isn’t worth losing your best friend over.” 

Tony scoffed. “This is a little bigger than arguing over Legos, kid.” 

Peter went silent for a moment before speaking in a low voice. “I forgave the man that killed Uncle Ben.” 

Tony froze, feeling like a complete asshole. He was acting like this kid didn’t understand real tragedy. Peter knew it just as well as Tony did. “Shit, I’m sorry, kid. I shouldn’t have.”

“You don’t have to apologize. It’s okay. I just...I just don’t want you to throw away someone that loves you. I don’t have much family left either. The last conversation I had with Ben was a fight. He was killed before I could apologize. Don’t miss your chance fixing things with Captain Rogers before it’s too late.” 

Tony considered his words carefully and wrapped an arm around Peter to pull him in closer. Peter rested his head against his chest. Leave it to a kid to make it all seem so simple. “You’re a pretty smart kid, you know that?”

Peter laughed softly. “So I’ve been told.” 

“I love you, kid, “ he whispered. 

Wrapping his arms around him, Peter said, “Love you too, Mr. Stark.” 


	6. heart of the darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the unexpected hiatus. I didn't think it would take so long to fight writer's block for a few scenes in this chapter....Here's a monster of a chapter to make up for that absence (hopefully)
> 
> I decided in celebration of Endgame tickets coming out, I'd try to fight through it. I'm gonna try to get more onto this fic. Especially since we're so close. Originally, I wanted this done by Endgame, RIP. But thank you for sticking with me.

The next morning, Tony didn’t get an introduction to the new ‘team’. He woke up to Steve knocking on the door and then he was dressed and down the stairs. Everyone was sitting around in a small den area and Tony felt out of place. 

After all, these people were the ones that had been fighting Thanos ever since the snap. They never gave up. Not like Tony did. The others knew this too. They’re not too happy to see him sitting there. 

“Glad you could make it,” Clint said sarcastically. 

Tony narrowed his eyes at him but didn’t say a word. This wasn’t the Clint he knew. This wasn’t the Clint that lived in his vents and played Mario Kart at all hours of the night. No...this was a man that was fucked over one times too many. 

“Clint,” Nat said, grabbing his wrist. “Come on.” 

He groaned dramatically. “I’m sorry. Am I the only one that sees a problem with this? We’ve been going through hell for years-- we’re the ones that killed that ugly ass grape and  _ now  _ he wants to help?”

“We could use all the help we could get,” Bruce said from his seat. “Tony can help us figure this out.” 

A little angry...raccoon, spoke up from where he was perched on Thor’s shoulder. “Yeah. That d-hole is dead, but we still have the small problem of getting everyone  _ back _ .” 

Tony was leaning against the doorway, watching them all. Not really feeling like he belonged in their circle. Peter tugged on his sleeve and said, “Is that a  _ talking  _ raccoon on Thor?” Tony shook his head, just as confused as Peter. 

“The rabbit is right,” Thor said. “He may be dead, but we still have ways to go.”

“No shit,” Clint scoffed.

Steve raised his hands to calm them down. “Arguing isn’t going to make this any better.” 

_ Arguing was what got them in this mess in the first place. _

“So then, what’s gonna make it better, Cap? Because if you haven’t been able to tell we’ve been stuck.” Clint crossed his arms over his chest.

“If you all want to stop acting like school girls for 10 minutes to let me explain maybe we’ll figure this out,” Wong said, growing impatient with them.

“Unless anyone else has any qualms with me being here,” Tony said, unable to stop himself. He heard Peter tell him to stop because there was no need to start any trouble. But he couldn’t just let it go; they didn’t know what it was like. 

“Stark, we all lost people.” Clint glowered. “But you were the only one laying in bed crying all day. Who did you even lose? A kid that you barely knew? Newsflash, a lot of people lost kids.” 

Tony tried not to get angry. He knew Clint was only speaking out of grief. He had lost his entire family. His wife and all three kids. Gone. But Peter wasn’t just some kid he barely knew-- he was just another kid to the rest of the world. But not to Tony. He knew if he opened his mouth, he’d snap, so he kept it closed. 

“Alright, Clint,” Bruce said. “Come on. We don’t know. It was hard for everyone.” 

Wong cleared his throat. “Are we all done now?” No one spoke so he nodded his head.  _ “Thank you.  _ Now, we’ve had all of the stones since we killed that bastard. But I haven’t had any clue where to even start. They could have been banished with any of the stones-- they could have been sent to another period of time or another reality or another planet. I had no idea where to even start. Until the other night when this started glowing.” He lifted one of the stone in his hand, the orange one. 

“It’s not glowing,” Nat said with a raised eyebrow. 

“Not now. But it was the other day. That means there’s...something going on. Something is disturbing the stone’s peace. I cannot be certain, but I believe it’s because the other half is in here.” 

“Well-- how the hell are we supposed to figure that out?” Tony asked, taking a step closer. If it acted up the other night...maybe the night Peter was finally able to show himself to Tony or when he was able to touch him?

“I’m not sure, but that’s why I asked the Captain to make sure we were all together. We figured out how to kill Thanos and get the stones. We can figure this out too. It’s going to take a lot--.” Wong cut himself off when the stone started to pulse slowly. 

Everyone shot up to their feet. “It’s glowing!” 

Wong froze, studying the stone. “It was never this bright...something...something is triggering it.” He looked around the room slowly with narrowed eyes. “Something is here…” He pocketed the stone quickly and started to chant lowly in another language. 

It all happened so fast, Tony didn’t comprehend what he was doing until he heard a pained shout come from just next to Wong. Peter fell to his knees with a cry. “M-Mr. Stark-- ahhh!”

Tony didn’t think. His kid was in pain and he needed it to stop. He turned to Wong and shouted, “Stop it! Stop! You’re hurting him!”

Wong paused his chanting immediately, giving Tony a cautious look. Everyone else stared too. “Who am I hurting, Tony?” 

He took a deep breath. There went his plans on hiding Peter from everyone else. Now they would all call him crazy too, but as long as it kept Peter safe, he didn’t care. “Peter. You’re hurting him-- I don’t know what you’re doing, but he was screaming. Please don’t.” 

“You can see who is connected to the stone-- the one making it glow?” Wong asked carefully, a hand covering the pocket he had just stuck the stone in. 

“Um-- yeah, I can.” Tony said, his eyes watching Peter pick himself back up. He just needed to keep Wong from doing  _ that  _ again. 

“Who is it? How did you get connected-- where is he?” 

“It’s Peter. The kid I lost.” He pointedly refused to look at anyone in the room. “I don’t know how. I don’t. He says he’s been here since the snap. He doesn’t know why he’s here either, but he’s somehow attached to me.” 

Wong’s eyes widened and he took a step closer to Tony, his defensive posture disappearing. “He was one of the other half?” 

Tony nodded. “Yeah. He can’t see the others though. He hasn’t seen the others.” 

“Wait a second,” Clint said, “You can  _ see  _ him? Like-- he’s in this room?”

“He’s next to Wong,” Tony answered and then turned to face him. “You okay, kid?” He asked since the cat was already out of the bag; he might as well check in on Peter. 

“Yeah. Just-- that hurt. Tell him not to do that again,” Peter said, glancing at Wong before walking back to Tony’s side. 

Tony cleared his throat. “He asked you not to do that again. It hurt.” 

“Am I the only one having a hard time believing this or are we just going along with it?” Clint looked around the room at the others. 

Bruce spoke up, looking pained to do so. “Tony...seeing someone you lost is common--.” 

Tony threw his hands up in the air, groaning. “Not this again. Jesus. I know I’m not fucking crazy so please don’t bother with this bullshit.” 

“Tony--.”

“He’s not insane,” Wong said, silencing Bruce from arguing again. He was still staring at Tony with wide eyes. 

“I want to thank you, but I also want to know why you’re believing it so easily and why you look so shocked.” 

“I’m just confused...it’s rare to ever find something like this. Especially since neither of you have any magic to make this bond,” Wong explained, but that didn’t make much sense. 

“You know why I can see him?” Tony asked. 

Wong nodded once. “You’re his anchor.” 

“His what?” 

“His anchor-- you’ve heard of soulmates, right?”

Tony’s face burned in embarrassment. “He’s not my soulmate-- he’s a  _ child.”  _

Wong rolled his eyes with a scoff. “Don’t be so narrow-minded. Sometimes people’s soulmates are platonic. Anyway, you two  _ are _ connected. You share a bond, so when the soul stone tried to take him away, it wasn’t 100% successful. You both really held on-- you didn’t want to let him go and he didn’t want to leave.” 

Tony remembered Titan. He remembered the way Peter clung to him as he sobbed. He didn’t want to go. He knew what was coming and more than anyone else, he didn’t want to leave. He was terrified. “Yeah,” he whispered, “you could say that.”

“And you said you can see him?” Wong asked. 

“Yeah. At first I could just sense him,” he said, unsure if that made sense. Wong nodded like he understood completely and Tony continued, “But then he could move things and then I saw him. After I could see him though, he couldn’t touch anything.” 

Wong nodded his head. “It’s painfully hard to stay in a plane with us like he is. He’s fighting to stay here every day. So, it’s difficult for him to figure out ways to stay without disappearing again.” 

Tony froze before slowly turning towards Peter with narrowed eyes. “Painful? Peter, you said you were  _ okay.”  _

“I am, Mr. Stark,” Peter said quickly, but Tony knew he was lying. He knew. 

“Kid, you can’t just keep things from me when we’re dealing with shit like this. Especially if it’s hurting you!” 

Tony ignored the others muttering about Tony having a conversation with air as Peter continued, “It hurt at first, but it’s better now! Really.” 

Turning back to Wong, Tony asked, “He says it doesn’t hurt as much anymore. Is that possible or is he being a lying shit again?”

Wong hesitated, glancing to where Tony was just looking. “He could be telling the truth. You being his anchor gives him the strength to stay. He feeds off of you.” 

“Feeds off of me?”

“Whatever you feel...he feels. So the better off you are: mentally and physically, the better off he is.”

Tony felt his heart drop in his stomach. “Wait. So, all the times that I was drinking and…” He trailed off, remembering the nights after nights that he spent passed out after too many bottles. Maybe that was one reason why Peter wasn’t able to appear. He swallowed. “Peter was feeding off me?”

“Perhaps. But it’s also  _ very  _ difficult to even do what he’s doing.” His face softened. “You both must be very close.” 

“I guess I am useful for something,” Tony joked, trying to get the conversation away from feelings. He already talked about loving this kid to a shrink. He didn’t need to do it again. 

“Is he?” Nat said. “Can we use this to help?”

Wong considered the question. “This child is connected to the soul stone, but he’s not in it. I think it’s safe to say the others are trapped in here. And his fear kept him from following.” 

Peter mumbled, rubbing his arm. “It’s dark.”

“I’m going to have to look more into  _ how  _ we can use the child to help us, but I think there’s something in the books. There is so little known about the stones, this will be more of a trial and error.” 

“We don’t have time for that. Every day we waste is another day they’re trapped in there,” Clint said, running a hand through his hair. 

“I gotta agree with Snark over there,” the racoon said. “We’ve been sitting with our thumbs up our asses for too long. We’ve got a chance, I say whatever it takes, we try it.” 

Tony took a protective step in front of Peter even thought they couldn’t see him. He didn’t like how they were all talking. Yes, getting the other half back was important, but so was keeping Peter safe. “Hey, now, we’ve waited three years...I think we can take a few days to figure out a solid plan.” 

“It’ll take me a few hours at least to figure something out,” Wong said, looking apologetic. “I’ll have some others help me search for something to help us. Any of you are free to join me. I’ll call you back when I’ve got something.” He looked around the room before settling his gaze on the spot next to Tony. “We’ve got something here though. We’ve definitely got something.”

He left the room, Thor following close behind with the raccoon still on his shoulder. He stopped by Tony and squeezed his shoulder. “It’s good to see you, Stark. I hope your son can aid us.” 

“He’s not my son,” Tony said while Peter tried to muffle a laugh beside him. 

“No need to be ashamed. Because of your special bond, we’re closer than we ever were.” Thor gave him a big smile and Peter bounced excitedly by his side-- Tony really had to tell this kid to work on hiding his crushes because his giant man crush on Thor was so painfully obvious. 

He grinned and said, “No problem, buddy-- oh and Peter, here, says he likes your new haircut. Very handsome. I think the kid has a little crush.” 

Peter immediately sputtered beside him with red cheeks. “Tell him you’re lying, Mr. Stark!  _ Mr. Stark!”  _

Thor didn’t seem anything wrong with the comment and he smiled. “Thank you, Starkson.”

Peter was hiding his face in his hands to cover his flushed face even though only Tony could see him. Tony wrapped an arm around him and grinned. “See, little buddy? I told you to not to worry. He’s flattered.”

Peter groaned, his cheeks burning red as he covered his face. “I hate you,” he mumbled. 

“Oh, yeah? Well, our platonic soulbond says differently,” Tony only half joked, mostly wanting to see how Peter would react to that news.

“Hey, you love me just as much as I love you. Soul bonds work both ways.”

“You’re an expert now, huh?”

“Sure am.”

“Oh, I’m--.”

“Okay, is anyone else completely weirded out about this?” Clint asked, interrupting them. 

Tony turned away from Peter and looked towards the ones that remained in the room. Bruce looked confused because he was a genius in  _ science _ and this had zero scientific explanation, Nat looked hesitant to believe what was going on, and Steve looked curious. “I don’t know what to tell you. I can see him. He’s not some sort of hallucination because I’m insane. He’s here with us. I know he is.”

“So this...bond is real?” Bruce asked, furrowing his brow. 

“I don’t know what it is. I don’t know if it’s a bond or what. I just know he’s here.” Tony glanced briefly to where Peter was standing, almost looking embarrassed. 

“I’m glad,” Steve said, making everyone turn to face him. “Not even just because the boy may be the reason we get the dusted back, but because you need him here. We need Tony Stark at his best and it’s obvious without this kid, you’re not the same. You need him.”

“How?” Natasha asked. 

Tony frowned, looking over at her. “How what?”

“I’ve known you for years. And while you’ve definitely changed and have gotten softer-.”

“I have not,” Tony interrupted, appalled at the comment. He was not soft. 

“You have gotten softer,” Natasha repeated. “But this is different. It takes years for you to trust someone and suddenly, you’ve got this kid? How the hell did a  _ kid  _ worm his way into Tony Stark’s heart?”

“This kid is different. He’s not like anyone else. If you knew him, even you would tear down your walls for him,” Tony told her, without a doubt in his mind. If anyone could get through to the Black Widow’s soft core, it was Peter. 

“How’d you meet him?” Bruce asked, still trying to find the facts in this situation. 

Tony paused and decided he couldn’t just out Peter’s identity even if he could trust the people in this room. Not without talking to Peter and getting his permission. “He’s an intern.”

“An intern,” Clint said, dubiously. 

“Yup.”

“Okay, you may have them fooled, but coming from a  _ father,  _ I don’t think he’s just an intern. Especially because of the way you both fought the power of all the damn Infinity Stones.”

Tony cleared his throat. “Well, that’s how I met him. He was my intern and he worked in the lab with me so we got to know each other. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I can’t wait to meet this kid,” Natasha said. “Because he’s not just an intern and he somehow melted Tony Stark.”

Tony looked away from them, glaring at the ground for a second before sniffing and looking back up at them, removing all emotion from his face. “We’re not some circus act, you know.”

“Might as well be.”

Tony knew Natasha didn’t mean anything other than teasing Tony for having a soft spot, but he didn’t like being some sideshow for everyone else just because they had this bond. “Oh, great.” He shrugged his shoulders and said, “As much as we’d love to stay here and be stared at like we’re crazy, we’re gonna go back to our room and get some rest before Wong tells us how Peter’s gotta save the day.” 

He started walking away, Peter close to his side, but before he could get away, Clint grabbed his arm. “Wait,” he said softly. “I’m sorry, Tony.”

Tony turned around, blinking. “I’m sorry can you repeat that?”

“I’m sorry,” Clint repeated, looking frustrated. “I know I’ve been an asshole to you...I lost my family. Was reading my kids a bedtime story when they turned to dust and--.”

“Hey,” Tony said softly, putting a hand on his arm. “You don’t have to explain yourself. It’s okay. I get it. Don’t worry. We’re gonna get them back. I promise you.”

\--

Hours later, they were all in the same spots they were in that morning. Tony stood a bit closer to the group and Peter sat on the couch next to Steve, who was sitting up straight, afraid to accidentally sit on the kid or something. 

“The stone is like a door,” Wong said. “It leads into the soul universe and that’s where the other half is. But unfortunately it is a door that locks. But with every lock, there is a key. We’d been missing that key until today. Tony’s boy is our key.”

Everyone sat up a bit straighter because that meant it was possible to get them all back here. “How is he the key?” Bruce asked, curiously. 

“He is connected to the soul stone. It wants him in there. But he’s also connected to here, to Tony,” he specified. “So, he can go from one to the other if he concentrates enough. He crosses over and he can go into the soul stone.” 

“What happens when he’s in there? How is he supposed to help us out here?” Nat crossed her arms over her chest. 

“Well, he can come back. It’s going to a bit of practice, but he’ll be able to navigate easily from the soul realm back to Tony. Their bond is strong enough for him not to get lost.” 

Peter tensed up, turning to face Tony. “I don’t want to go-- I don’t want to go into the dark.”

The Dark. Tony cursed under his breath. “Wong, the kid is worried about the dark.” He shook his head when that sounded too childish. “Not like the dark, but  _ The Dark.” _

Wong sighed. “Yes, it does require passing through Pitch. It’s complete darkness and very easy to get lost in. That’s why we have to practice it before he actually goes in there. Because if we lose him there, it would be near impossible to get him back.” 

“I don’t want to go back there.” Peter shot to his feet, the lights in the room flickering harshly. “I barely found you last time. I can’t do it again.” 

Tony immediately took a few steps forward, holding the kid by his arms. “Woah, kiddo. It’s okay. We’re gonna practice. And even if you ever get lost, now that I know you’re out there, I will do everything I can to drag you back.”

Peter was still staring at him with wide eyes, but he wasn’t outwardly protesting it anymore, so Tony counted it as a minor win. 

“It’ll be very safe,” Wong assured him. “A few hours a day we’ll practice and then you’ll be an expert. It won’t be bad at all.” 

Clint stood up and looked at Tony. “Where is he?” Tony hesitated but gestured to the kid and Clint turned his attention to Peter-- well Peter’s chest. “Kid, I know it’s scary. But I also know you’re a hero. And sometimes heroes have to do scary things to be brave. But I know you can do this. We all do. You can bring them back.” 

Peter looked torn, but Tony knew him more than enough to know that Peter Parker would never put himself before others. No matter how terrified he was, he was going to do everything within his power to bring the other half back. Clint knew that too. “O-okay,” he said. “I’ll do it.”

“That’s my boy,” Tony said, clapping him on the shoulder as he turned to Wong again. “He says he’ll do it.” 

Wong’s shoulders sagged in relief. “Thank goodness. Peter, we appreciate this deeply. Everyone on this planet. You are doing a great thing,”

“What do I have to do?” He asked with his chin held high, even though Tony could hear just a small bit of nervousness in his voice. 

“Kid’s eager. When can he start?”

“We’ll start tomorrow,” Wong said. “He’s going to need a long rest tonight because tomorrow will be very exhausting for his first day.” 

Tony waved him off. “Kid doesn’t need sleep like we do.”

Wong frowned. “He still requires sleep. Sleep helps his strength replenish so it’s not as hard to stay here.” 

Tony turned back to Peter with wide eyes. “Peter, tell me he is lying. Tell me you haven’t been avoiding sleep and  _ lied  _ to me about it.”

Clint shook his head, taking a seat again. “Two for two,” he mumbled. 

“I don’t--.” 

“Peter, look me in the eyes.” 

“I…” Peter sighed heavily. “Okay, yeah. Maybe I need some sleep.” 

Tony shook his head. “Oh, we are so talking about this later.”

Wong cleared his throat to grab their attention again. “You’re both going to need some rest. The tethering works both ways. If you’re not strong enough to hold on, he may not be able to find you. We’re going to have to really work on all of that tomorrow. Hopefully, within the week we’ll be able to try the real thing.” 

“If you don’t mind my interrupting,” Steve said, “but it seems like we’re going to be spending a lot of time with each other until we can undo all of this mess. It feels wrong not to be able to talk to Peter unless Tony is the middle man.” In his hand, he was holding a small whiteboard and marker. “One time I got so sick I couldn’t speak for days. My ma gave me a blackboard and chalk to communicate.”

Tony stared at Steve and was strangely touched by the fact that he thought of something to help Peter feel more involved with them. “So you got him a whiteboard of his own to use?”

Steve hesitated before saying, “Yeah. If that’s okay. He can...use it, right?”

Tony didn’t even have to answer him; Peter was hurrying to his side immediately and tugging the marker and board from his hands. Tony laughed at the surprised look on Steve’s face. “That’s Pete.”

Steve looked over to Tony and then back to the space in front of him. “Hey, bud. You wanna sit? We can talk a little more? I wanna get to know the brave kid that’s really saving our asses here.”

Instead of taking a spot on the couch like Tony expected him to, Steve lowered himself to the ground and sat there with his legs crossed and the board and marker on the floor in front of him. Peter copied his pose sitting just on the other side with a larger smile. after years, someone other than Tony was finally giving him attention.

The entire room watched with bated breath as nothing happened. Then Peter was comfortable and he reached forward grabbing the marker and uncapping it. To Tony, it didn’t seem strange, but to everyone else that couldn’t see Peter holding the marker, they were in awe. Steve was the only one that didn’t make a big deal of it and gasp. Clint was staring at Tony like he had grown another head. 

Peter didn’t even realize the room’s reaction as he leaned forward and started to write. “Mr. Stark, look! I can talk to other people on my own!”

“I see that, kiddo. And I’m so happy for you.”

He finished writing his message to Steve and then turned it around to face him. It read:  _ Hi, Mr. Rogers! I’m Peter!” _

Steve laughed. “You can call me Steve, son.”

Peter rolled his eyes, turning to Tony. “What’s with you adults and not appreciating respectful children?”

Tony laughed loudly at that. “What can I say, kid? You’re a diamond in the rough.” 

Peter turned back to his board, erasing what was written and continuing the conversation with Steve. The others came to sit with them as well, baffled at what was going on.

The only person not enamored with the event was Wong. While Peter was distracted, he grabbed Tony’s arm and brought him to a wall further away so Peter wouldn’t hear them. “Tony, I wouldn’t suggest letting anyone know about your boy other than the people in this room.”

Tony frowned. “Yeah, of course. I don’t really wanna be seen as crazy anyway. So I’ll keep it a secret.”

There seemed to be a more serious reason behind Wong’s worrying. “I’m not even telling anyone here unless I trust them and it’s absolutely necessary.”

“Why?” Tony asked, his own worry now increasing. He had the sudden urge to grab Peter and go lock him in their room. 

“Peter is the  _ only  _ connection we have to the others. This bond he not only has to you, but also to the soul stone is frighteningly powerful. Do you know what people are willing to do to see their loved ones again?”

Tony swallowed thickly, shaking his head. 

“They’ll do anything.”

Tony looked back to where Peter was laughing with the others as he scribbled on the board. Then he turned back to Wong with not but determination in his voice. “Well, then it’s a good thing I’d do anything to keep him safe.”

“He’s a lucky kid.”

Tony could argue that he was the lucky one. Instead he just smiled and nodded. “Guess he is...though, I don’t know much of this bond stuff...how does it work? Anything I should know?”

“He doesn’t have control over his emotions, so that’s going to be hard for him. But you can help with your own. If you’re upset, he will get upet. But, if you’re calm, he will get calm. You’re the only solid thing he knows of right now. Just keep him calm and feeling safe and it’ll be easy to keep him here.”

“Keep him feeling safe?” Tony scoffed. “I live for that. You can count on me.”

Wong’s face softened. “I know I can. He’s in good hands. That’s why we have such a good chance at fixing this. Because you two love each other so deeply.”

At one time, Tony would have blushed and stuttered out a disagreement to that statement. But now, he just smiled. “Love him doesn't even start to describe about how I feel for that kid. I’d die for him without a second thought.”

\--

After they got back to their room and Peter had told Tony all about his afternoon and meeting the Avengers, it grew silent. When he realized that Tony wasn’t in such a happy mood, he refused to look at Tony. Maybe he hoped Tony would just happen to forget about the fact that Peter hadn’t been sleeping as much as he should. And the fact that he  _ lied  _ to Tony about it so Tony let the kid stay up, stupidly thinking he was fine. 

Well, not anymore. It wasn’t that late, but the sun was still down and this kid was going to sleep, dammit. He pulled down the blankets and gestured to the bed. “Get in,” he said using his voice that Peter should have known not to argue with.

“Mr. Stark--,” Peter started, but silenced when Tony shook his head. He sighed and climbed into bed but didn’t lay down. 

Tony joined him. “Peter, we’re not arguing this. You’re going to sleep.” 

Peter squeezed the blanket in his fists with a pained expression. “But Mr. Stark, you don’t understand.”

Tony tried to remain patient with the kid. He really  _ didn’t _ understand what Peter was going through, but he couldn’t let him continue to exist with no sleep. Especially if they were going to use him to get the others back. “Peter, you need sleep.” 

“I can’t!” He shouted with wide eyes. 

“Why not, kid? It  _ hurts you  _ to be here and sleeping will help strengthen this... _ bond _ .” He gestured between the two of them with a hand. “This is something we can fix  _ now _ . And I know, kid, I know the dark is scary, but--.”

“No!” Peter was quick to shout. “It’s not just like the lights being off. It’s...it’s  _ nothing.  _ There’s nothing there. I’m floating and it’s just pitch black with nothing there. Nothing to see or hear or grab onto. I just float endlessly and it’s scary. I don’t want to go back. I can’t.  _ I can’t--.”  _ He was interrupted as the lights flashed so bright, Tony had to cover his eyes to block them and then they flickered to their original setting. 

Tony raised his eyebrows. “You’re good at that-- messing with the lights.” 

“I’m sorry,” Peter said, looking down at his lap. 

“No-- no need to say sorry, kiddo. I just...it happens when you’re upset and I think both of us have realized that you’re not good at controlling  _ any  _ of your feelings.”  _ He’s scared. He’s terrified. And Tony could do nothing about it.  _

“I can’t help it-- I don’t know why.” Peter’s hands started to shake and Tony reached out to put a hand over his to try and soothe him. 

“It’s not your fault,” he reassured him. “Wong said it was normal-- with you being in this state...between this realm and the soul realm, you’re more vulnerable right now.” He hesitated, wondering whether or not he should share the next part. “And when you left...you were-- well, you were scared. You’re still scared, yeah? Of being lost in The Dark. It’s part of what is keeping you here.”  _ Because when you’re scared, you cling to me.  _

Peter nodded his head slowly. “If I fall asleep...how do I know I’ll wake up here again?”

“Because I know you will. You’re not going anywhere. I won’t let you. You’re gonna wake up next to me after a long night’s rest.” Tony wasn’t positive, but it seemed the bond they had worked both ways. And Tony was sure as hell going to hold on as strongly to Peter as he could. 

That seemed to calm Peter down slightly, but his shoulders were still tight in fear. “But...even when I sleep and I’m still here...it’s still  _ dark _ .” 

Tony sighed, wishing he could keep the kid feeling safe all the time. But he knew Peter had to go through this. He was going to be okay. “Kid, I know you’re afraid. But I’ll be right here the whole time. And I don’t know how it works for you-- you don’t need to eat, but you need to sleep for this to work. You need sleep to stay strong. If you want to do this-- to bring the others back--.” 

“Of course, I do!” Peter said, sitting up straight. 

_ “If you want to do this _ ,” Tony repeated with an emphasis, “then, you’re going to get sleep and have the strength for it. You’re not going to hurt yourself doing this. You’re going to do exactly what Wong tells you to do. And now, he’s told you to sleep. So, you’re going to sleep.” 

Peter looked like he wanted to fight it, but he also knew Tony was right. He must have been struggling with no sleep. He needed this relief. “You’ll stay with me the whole night?”

Tony nodded. “Of course. And I won’t leave your side.” 

Peter hesitated. “You promise?”

“‘Coure I promise.” Tony held a hand over his heart and recited, “I meant what I said. I said what I meant. An elephant’s faithful 100%.” Peter stared at him like he was insane and Tony lowered his hand. “What-- have you never heard of that?”

“A faithful elephant?” Peter questioned dubiously. 

“Dr. Suess, you heathen! He’s a classic.” Tony huffed in disbelief. 

“Sure.  _ The Cat in the Hat  _ is a literary masterpiece.” 

“And so is  _ Horton Hatches the Egg!”  _

“I’ve never even heard of it.”

“Because you're a heathen,” Tony repeated. “We're going to fix that though. After this mess is over, you're getting a bedtime story.” 

Peter smiled, his posture relaxed as he laid down on the pillow. “Good. I can’t wait.”

Tony laid down next to him with a smile of his own. “You better not tell anyone. I have a reputation to live up to.”

“Sure you do, Mr. Stark,” Peter mumbled, his eyes fluttering shut. 

“Watch it, kid,” Tony said with no heat behind his words. 

Peter didn't say anything in response, but after a few seconds, he reached out and grabbed Tony's wrist. Tony froze, watching as Peter wrapped his fingers securely around him without opening his eyes. Tony moved closer, pulling the kid against his chest and threaded his fingers, from the hand not being held, through Peter's hair. He hoped the kid could feel it. “Alright, buddy. It's alright. I've got you.”

Peter fell asleep tucked close in Tony's arms as Tony kept up his steady rhythm of playing with Peter's curls. 

And the light stayed on all night. 

\--

The next morning, Tony woke up to the sun shining in through the window right on his eyes. He wanted to pull the blankets over his head and get some more sleep, but then last night came back to him and he snapped his eyes open. 

Peter was still there. He was curled against Tony’s side still, breathing heavily in sleep. Tony hadn’t seen Peter like this in years. 

Before Titan, they used to always crash on the couch while watching movies. Peter always fell right asleep when he was tired. He never tried keeping himself up if he didn’t want to. He could be awake one moment and then knocked out cold in the next. Usually, he landed on Tony’s shoulder. 

The kid was an octopus when he slept. He’d clutch to Tony like he was afraid of being dragged away and refused to loosen his grip until he was awake. Right now, it was now different than any of the other times Peter had fallen asleep with him. 

Tony hadn’t realized how much he missed it: holding Peter close in his arms and running his hands through his hair. Knowing that he was safe and secure in his arms and nobody could hurt him. 

It was something he took for granted. 

And even know, he could[lt be sure that in his arms meant he was safe. 

Because Peter had been in his arms. He had held onto Tony so tightly and Tony was returning the grip. And still, he disappeared. 

Closing his eyes, to let himself enjoy the peace of this moment before they had to start their day, Tony made a promise to himself that it would never happen again. When he got Peter back, he was here to stay. 

He brushed his fingers through Peter’s hair, hating that it didn’t feel how it should. And he softly whispered to the boy, “I’m gonna keep you safe. I promise. You’re safe.”

\--

Saying everyone was anxious to get started was an underestimate. No one took their time eating (Tony wasn't sure if Clint chewed any of his food before swallowing), no one lounged around after and turned on the television. 

“Is he okay?” Steve came up to him as Wong set up whatever they needed. “We can wait.”

“Tell him I'm okay,” Peter said immediately. He had forgotten the board in their bedroom in his excitement to get started. “I'm ready to do this.” 

Tony knew even if he wasn't, Peter would always say he was ready. The world was literally depending on him. Not that the world knew that, so really they wouldn’t be any more disappointed than they already were. But Peter knew that he could fix it, so of course, he wasn’t going to stand back. 

“Kid’s fine, Cap. I’m the one you should be asking about. My heart can’t take all this stress. I just got him back and he’s already jumping back into danger to be a hero.”

“He’ll be fine,” Steve reassured him, squeezing his arm gently. “I know Queens can handle himself.” 

Peter perked up at that comment with a proud smile. Tony rolled his eyes. “Oh, great, you’re feeding into his self-sacrificing complex. The kid’s gonna think he’s invincible now.”

“I don’t know, Tony. I think the kid may be stronger than me.” 

Tony knew what he was doing. Steve was good that way; he always knew exactly how to pull a team together or get them ready for a battle. He was getting Peter ready for this. He was giving him the support he needed. “I guess we’ll have to test that once we figure this mess out.” 

Steve laughed and nodded his head in agreement while Peter started to bounce excitedly. “Really, Mr. Stark? Holy shit, that would be  _ awesome!  _ We could go to the compound and in the training room, we could lift weights-- or not even weights because that was too easy, but we could lift things. Like refrigerators or cars! You could be a judge and Happy-- Rhodey too! Maybe even invite the other avengers and have like a party.”

Steve was staring at Tony as Tony silently listened to Peter ramble on. Sometimes he forgot that the others didn’t know when he was silent because the kid was talking and they gave him strange looks for being so silent for long periods of time. He winced apologetically and whispered, knowing the kid wouldn’t hear him while he was too busy rambling about lifting buildings now, “He's rambling, sorry. We're working on it.” 

Steve smiled at him. “I can't wait to meet this kid in person-- officially. But for now, we’re gonna have to tie that board around his neck, huh?”

“Hear that, kiddo?” Tony asked, looking to Peter with a grin. “Captain America is excited to meet you.” 

Peter stared at Steve with wide eyes before falling back on the nearest couch. His head landed on Clint’s lap and the archer startled, staring down at his lap. “Is he…?”

Tony nodded his head, rolling his eyes. “Yeah. He's being a drama queen.”

Clint’s face softened as he looked down at his lap. “Hey, kid, giving Stark a hard time?” 

Peter grinned up at him. “Like always!”

“Oh, you little shit,” Tony cursed. He explained to Clint, “He said: ‘like always’.”

Clint howled with a laugh. “Atta boy!” 

“Sounds like we're ready?” Wong said, walking closer to them with a cup of something disgustingly green in his hand. 

“Ready as we'll ever be,” Tony answered. He kept his eyes on Peter, trying to see if any sign of nervousness was showing. He seemed excited. 

“Very good. Today won't be too intense, but since it's his first try, it's going to take a lot of of him.” He raised the cup. “Hopefully, this will help with that.” 

“As much as I wish I could watch Peter drink that sludge, the kid can't drink anything-- unless he lied about that too.” He narrowed his eyes at the kid and all he got was a smile. 

“This isn't for the boy. This is for you.” 

Tony's head whipped back to Wong as Peter giggled. “What?” 

“You’re his anchor, he gets strength from you. You drink this and you'll make it easier.” He handed it to Tony and he took it with a hesitant hand. 

Tony held it up to his eyes. “It looks disgusting.” 

“That's because it is.” 

Tony made a face down at it and Peter said, “Pinch your nose! Maybe that'll help.” 

With a groan, he pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers and lifted the cup to his lips. He almost gagged the second it touched his tongue, but he kept drinking. If this was going to help Peter, then he'd drink a million of these every day. 

Once it was empty, he wiped his mouth with his sleeve and gagged. “Blech. Please tell me I don't have to drink that every time we do this.” 

Wong took the dirty cup from him and handed it to student that was helping him. He disappeared and Tony hoped he didn't come back. Tony didn't trust anyone other than the team around Peter-- even if Wong only told a few select students that he needed assistance from. “It will help him.” 

Tony groaned. “Guess we're drinking it every day.” 

“Can we start now?” Peter asked, jumping off the couch excitedly. 

“Slow down there, buckaroo. We're gonna start soon. Don't worry.” Tony put a hand on the kid’s shoulder. He still wasn't used to the static he felt every time he touched him. 

“Once you two sit and get comfortable, we can start.” Wong gestured to the empty couch. 

Tony turned to Peter and nodded his head. “C’mon, wild one. Let's get this show on the road.” Tony took a seat next to Peter after he plopped down on the seat. 

“We're not going to save the world today. Again, this is simply to start building up your tolerance and strength. I don't want to send you in without any training.” 

“let me be clear: he's not going in at all unless he's 100% ready.” Tony offered no room for arguing. Peter was his responsibility. What he said, went. 

“You can't-- Mr. Stark, I'll be fine. I lose nothing by trying. I'm already stuck like this...what could be worse?” Peter whined, his shoulders slumping. 

“Are we really going to play this game?” Tony asked. “I know you're not  _ here, _ but at least you're back. You were gone for years and finally, I've got you back.  _ That's  _ something we're risking. What if you disappear for good?” 

“But what about everyone else? Why am I more important than everyone else?” Peter asked and Tony didn't want to answer that. Because he looked around the room and he knew  _ everyone  _ was affected by it-- Clint lost his entire family, for Christ's sake...but selfishly, that didn't change Tony's mind. Peter was more important than every person in the half that disappeared. What a terrifying thought.

“Peter…”

“10 bucks says the kid is arguing with Tony about holding him back,” Natasha commented, earning a chuckle from Clint.

“You'd be right.” Tony huffed, knowing he wasn't going to win. “The kid is stupidly self-sacrificing.” 

“Sound like someone else,” Natasha said pointedly as she stared at Tony.

“Sounds like the entire superhero population,” Clint grumbled. 

“We shouldn't have to worry about anything going wrong,” Wong said. “As long as we do this right, he'll be fine. But, in this state, he will be most vulnerable-- more so than he already is.” 

Tony moved closer to Peter protectively. 

“He's going to--.” He looked at Tony. “Can you tell me where he is? I want to address him.” 

“Oh-- yeah, here.” Tony ruffled Peter's hair, leaving his hand on his head. 

Wong kneeled down and stared close enough to Peter's face. Peter moved to make his gaze more accurate. “Peter, this is going to seem scary. Please know that when you close your eyes, when you go into The Dark to find the soul realm, we will be right here. You're not going anywhere like you did when you disappeared-- not yet. You're still going to be, holding on tight to Tony. Try to remember that so you can remain calm. Being anxious will make it harder for you to cross over and stay there  _ safely. _ ”

Peter nodded his head determinedly, putting on his brave face even though Tony was the only one that could see him. “I trust you.”

“He says he trusts you,” Tony said softly, running his finger through his hair once more before pulling his hand back. 

“Then I guess we can get started.” Wong gave Peter another smile before standing up. He pulled the stone from his pocket and held it out to Peter. “This is going to be your compass. It'll help you find your way through the dark.” 

Peter reached for it, but the moment his fingers brushed against it, he yelped and pulled his hand back. “It burns!” 

Tony tensed, turning to Wong. “He said it hurts-- is it supposed to hurt?” 

Wong shook his head in slight exasperation. “Don't try to touch it. He's not able to touch it on his own like this-- remember we’re supposed to be building tolerance.”

“Then how--?”

_ “You  _ hold it and then Peter grasps your hand around it. Hold it between your hands and it'll be okay.” 

Tony scrunched his face. “What? How does  _ me  _ holding it take away the pain?” 

“Don't doubt the power of of a bond.” Wong lowered the stone into Tony's hand and Peter didn't waste a second before grabbing Tony's hand. The stone glowed bright between their hands and even then, Peter didn't show any signs of pain.

He looked up at Tony with a grin. “He's right, Mr. Stark! It doesn't hurt at all.” 

Tony couldn't keep the awe off his face and Wong chuckled. “I guess that's our cue to start. Peter, you're going to need to relax and concentrate. Balancing between this world and the soul world can be difficult, but your anchor is here. You're not going to be lost.”

“I don't know what to do. Ask him what I'm supposed to do,” Peter said, looking over at Tony.

“What's the kid’s job?” Tony asked.

“Just close your eyes. Go to the place you’re hiding from and you're going to see the light that looks just like the stone. Follow it. But when it starts to hurt or you feel yourself losing Tony, come back. You're not going to get there on or first try. Remember we're building up. You need to come back when it feels dangerous.”

Peter's grip on his hand tightened slightly. “Don't worry. The second I feel like I'm losing you, I'll come back. I don't want to get lost again.” 

Tony believed him. “Good. Then let's get started.” 

Wong nodded and said, “Close your eyes.” Tony gave a thumb-up when he obliged. “Drift from Tony. Know he's still holding onto you, but drift away.” 

Tony could see the panic as his face tightened. “I've got your hand, buddy. I'm not letting go.” 

Peter relaxed his shoulders, but he didn’t loosen his hold on the stone and Tony’s hand. “I see it-- the light.” 

Wong’s voice was soft and soothing as he answered, “Good. Just keep following it. That’s all you have to do. Follow it until you need to come back.”

Peter was breathing slowly as he nodded his head once and then he was silent as he focused. Tony watched him intently, searching for any signs of discomfort. The minutes passed and there was no change-- he looked almost like he was asleep. No one else in the room spoke either. It stayed like that for a handful of minutes-- Tony lost track as he watched Peter. 

When Peter came back to, he gasped and fell forward into Tony’s arms. He let go of the stone to hold him tightly with both hands. Tony rubbed his back soothingly as he whispered, “You’re okay, kiddo.”

“I thought-- I thought I was getting lost again,” he mumbled between heavy pants. 

“You aren’t going anywhere, Pete.” His hand rubbed up his back and neck until it found its place in his messy curls. “I’ve got you.”

Peter didn’t say anything more as he let his breath even out. Wong stared at Tony and asked quietly, “He’s back?”

“Yeah-- a bit rattled,” Tony replied, pulling Peter even closer. 

“After these sessions, he will be very anxious and drained. Once, he calms down, he’ll be ready to sleep for hours.” Wong reached forward and took the soul stone back in his hands. 

Peter pulled back, blinking heavily as he stared at Wong. “Wait-- is that it? We can’t be done. I barely did anything.” 

Tony shook his head. “You did more than enough, Peter. We said we were going to take this little by little. You did good today.” 

Wong nodded his head, even though he could hear Peter’s argument. “We knew you wouldn't do much. We don’t want to push too far. Soon enough, a few days, and you’ll be ready.” 

Peter looked like he wanted to continue to put up a fight, but he leaned heavily against Tony with a mumble. Tony looked down at him in amusement. “Are you really that wiped out?”

Wong answered for him, “Crossing through while still holding onto staying here is very taxing. He’ll get less exhausted as he builds up his strength. Not completely though. It’s just one of the side effects.” 

Tony smiled softly. “It’s fine.” And it was. It was more than fine. He hadn’t had a sleepy Peter clinging to him in years...God, he missed it. He forgot what it felt like, even if this didn’t feel like the real thing because Peter wasn’t himself-- it was still close enough. 


	7. don't forget about me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have my crap

It became their routine: wake up, build his strength and then pass out on the couch. There was hardly ever any conversations because Peter was usually exhausted to the bone-- well if he had bones. He crawled up on the couch next to Tony and held him hostage there as he took a short nap. 

Tony didn’t mind being trapped there and it wasn’t like he was his actual weight on top of him; Tony could easily push Peter off and leave. Especially once the kid fell asleep. But Tony never did. He looked forward to these moments the most. They were totally worth having to drink those nasty smoothies every morning. 

Every morning, Peter stayed out there longer and longer. Sometimes, he came back like it didn’t bother him, but other times, he came back shaking and scared. It depended on how safe he felt in The Dark while they were practicing. 

Tony was always there for him as he came to. Especially on the bad days, he would hold him close and hush him gently until he was calm and realized he was safe on the couch. 

Today was on one of those days. A really bad one. 

When Wong helped bring him back, he let out an almost pained whine and reached forward before his eyes were even open. Tony grabbed his hands and held them in his. Tony could see the tears dripping from the corner of his eyes. 

Tony hated these days. 

Most times, he’d open his eyes and smile as he waited for the others to praise him for being so strong. 

But on these rare mornings, he didn’t register anyone else except for Tony in the room. 

“Mr. Stark,” he cried out quietly even though Tony had him pulled close against his chest. 

“Shh,” Tony hummed, trying his best to remember wha Wong told him. When Peter’s emotions got out of control, it was near impossible for him to get them back to normal on his own. He needed to feel Tony’s calm to feel safe. “You’re okay, buddy. I’m here. You got back.”

“Hate The Dark,” Peter mumbled as he tried to get his breathing under control. 

“I know you do. It’s okay. But you’re not there. You’re here with me.”

Peter didn’t say another word for a while. This was normal. He continued to cling to Tony like a lifeline and then when he was finally calmed enough, he pulled away and wiped at his eyes. Tony wished he wouldn’t look so embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“Don’t apologize,” Tony told him. “You did so good. Right, Wong?” 

The others were standing behind Tony, knowing to not say a word until Peter was okay again. Too much at once only scared him more. “You sure did, Peter,” he said, his voice soft. “You’re getting stronger everyday we do this.”

“I don’t wanna mess this up,” he said. He always had the whiteboard closeby now, but he was usually too shaky and tired to even hold the marker after the times her went into The Dark. 

“You’re not going to mess this up,” Tony said before even relaying that to the others. 

“He’s right, son,” Steve said. “You’re doing such a great job. You’re almost there. It’s all going great because of you.”

Peter looked up at Steve hesitantly, hand grabbing onto Tony. Tony held him closer. “Does he mean that, Mr. Stark? Am I doing it right?”

“You’re doing it perfectly, kiddo. Don’t worry. Soon we’ll send you in and it’ll be the last time you’ll ever have to do it.”

“Can’t wait,” Peter mumbled, his eyes drooping. The exhaustion was kicking in and extra strong today as his body calmed down after his panic attack. 

“Neither can I, kiddo.” He turned to the others behind him. They were never allowed to stay because being around them usually had Peter too excited to sleep. Even though he didn’t think that would be an issue today, he still said, “Alright. Pete’s okay.”

The others all looked relieved to hear this. Clint was the one to speak, trying to joke and hide their real worry that they had every time they sent Peter inside. The others had only known Peter for a few days and only through a whiteboard, but they already loved the kid. “Does that mean we’re being kicked out now?”

“Kid’s too tired to even try to stay awake and talk. He’ll pass out for a few hours and then you can come back in and play your games. But not until he gets his rest.”

Clint rolled his eyes with a smile. “Alright, Mr. Mom. We’ll be back to bother him later.” 

And Tony know they would be. Especially Clint. Hanging out with Peter was bringing a smile back to his face again. Tony guessed that hanging around Peter was enough to resemble his own children he had lost.

“Try not to get into too much trouble,” Tony said. “Peter likes being awake for that.” 

“Will do,” Clint said, smiling down at them. 

“Good. I’ll le--.” Tony stopped short when he felt a weight hit into his chest. He turned back to Peter, trying not to worry and scare him. He lifted Peter back up in his arms from where he was leaning against him; the boy nothing but dead weight in his arms. His head lolled to the side and his eyes were shut. Tony was about to ask Wong if it was normal that Peter passed out when he let out a soft snore. “Holy shit, kid. You’re scared me,” he said, laughing nervously in relief. 

“What’s wrong?” Nat asked.

“He fell asleep and just passed out in my arms.” 

The others laughed at that and Steve said, “Guess he was tired today.”

“It’s okay,” Wong said. “That just means we’re getting closer. It’ll all be worth it soon.”

“I believe it,” Clint said; he wasn’t always in a happy mood. In fact, unless Peter was by his side talking to him with the whiteboard, he was usually in a mood. Tony couldn’t wait to get his family back to him. 

“Well, we’ll let you two be then,” Steve said in a low voice like he would wake up Peter. He could scream and as long as Tony stayed calm, Peter would stay blissfully unaware. Tony had gotten much better at keeping control of his emotions. He needed to for Peter.

“Thank you. You know he’ll be up soon, writing you a novel on hi whiteboard.”

Steve chuckled at them before they left the room.

Once they were alone, Tony turned to Peter with a smile. Even though he knew he was asleep and couldn’t hear him, Tony said softly, “Shh, it’s okay, Pete. I’ve got you.” He fixed him as he laid them down down together. Peter curled up on his chest, still sleeping. 

Tony let his own eyes shut as he tangled his fingers through Peter’s hair. “Okay, buddy. It’s naptime. I got it.”

Tony fell asleep with Peter tucked safe in his arms, just like he did every afternoon. 

And when he woke back up, Peter was still in his arms. But he was awake, staring right at him. Tony blinked his eyes at the attention. “I was waiting for you to wake up,” Peter said. 

Tony yawned, still trying to wake himself up. “You’re weird.”

“I know,” he replied. “Are you up? Come on. Can we go for a walk outside?”

Tony groaned at his excitement. He was always a bundle of energy after his nap. “Alright, alright. Just give me a second.”

“Can you call in Mr. Rogers? I wanna tell him we’re going out. He said he would race me.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be resting?” Tony asked, quirking an eyebrow. 

“It’s  _ one  _ race, Mr. Stark!”

Tony smiled. “Okay, kid, fine. Let’s go. Maybe the old man is taking his own nap.”

Peter grinned, jumping up to his feet. “Come on! Come on!” 

Tony watched him hurry out of the room, staying close to his heels. As much as he loved seeing this kid run around in excitement, he couldn’t wait for the rest of the world to be able to see it too. 

The world needed Peter Parker back.   
  


\--

Tony had been woken up in a wide variety of ways-- this time ranked pretty high on the terrifying list. Not because he felt something sharp pressed against his throat but because Peter was in the bed next to him. If Tony wasn’t safe, then neither was Peter. 

“I know you’re awake, Stark,” a voice, assumedly belonging to whoever was on top of him, said. 

Tony blinked his eyes open slowly, the adrenaline chasing away any lingering tiredness. Tony looked at the man and he looked familiar; he was one of the students that Wong swore he could trust.  _ Great.  _ “Listen, man, if it’s money you want, I don’t even have a checkbook on me. But if you get off of me, I can see whatever I have in my wallet--.” 

The knife pressed harder against Tony’s throat and he quieted down. “I don’t want money. Why would I want money?”

“Who doesn’t want money-- and why else would you be holding a knife to my neck? I don’t have anything else.” 

The man scoffed. “You have  _ him _ . Where is he?” 

Tony felt his heart beat faster in his chest. “Who?”

“The kid-- stop playing dumb! The kid we’ve been helping for days!” The man yelled, his voice sounding just scared as it was angry. 

“He’s not here. He disappears in him sleep.” It was a lie. Peter was right next to him, still asleep. He would stay that way because sounds didn’t affect him like normal humans in this realm. But if Tony didn’t control his own feelings, Peter would definitely pick up on those and wake up. 

“You’re a liar!” He screamed, leaning close to Tony’s face. The hand holding the knife to his throat was shaking. “I can drag him back. I know spells and I can do it-- I’ll drag him back from wherever the hell he’s hiding. But I promise you, it will hurt.” 

Tony’s eyes widened. “Don’t hurt him-- Jesus Christ, he’s a child.”

“I don’t care!” 

“What do you even want?” Tony glared at him, wanting nothing more than to choke the life out of this asshole. 

“What does everyone else want? I want them back! I want my daughter back!” He choked out, his eyes filling with tears. The knife threatening to break through skin ruined any bit of sympathy Tony may have had for him. 

Seemingly, it was the same for Peter too.

“Tell him to take that knife off of your neck right now,” Tony heard Peter suddenly growl. 

_ Oh, not him too.  _

Tony ignored him. At least this man couldn’t hear or see Peter. “We’re going to bring them all back. Just give him a few--.” 

“I’ve waited long enough!  _ Years!  _ I’m tired of waiting. He needs to help! And if he doesn’t, I will end your life so--.” He was caught off when Peter suddenly crashed into him, sending him falling off of Tony and onto the mattress. The lights flickered as bright as Peter’s anger. The man smiled. “Oh, he’s here.”

“Leave him alone,” Tony warned, glancing towards Peter to glare at him. 

The man ignored Tony and said to Peter, “I don’t want to hurt you any more than I need to. I just want to see my daughter. I want to make sure she got there and that she’s okay.” 

Tony shook his head.  _ “Hurt?  _ No, we are not  _ hurting  _ him.”

“I’ll do it.” 

Tony turned to face him with wide eyes. “You will not. This isn’t even an option, kid. Sorry. Tony says no.” 

“You have no choice in this. Neither does he, really. It’ll be better if he just complies.” The man came closer to where Peter was sitting and Tony wished he hadn’t faced the kid so this man didn’t know where he was. 

“He can’t see anyone else-- he’s tried,” Tony said, trying to get then out of this mess or maybe even stall until someone else heard all the commotion. Even if it was in the middle of the night and everyone was sleeping. 

“He’s tried to do it the safe and pain free way-- I don’t need him in there for a while. I can push him in and right to my daughter.”

Tony didn’t like the sound of that at all. They were taking it slow for a reason. “He needs the soul stone.” 

The man rolled his eyes. “Once again, these are all things that Wong gave him to help. Sorry I’m not babying him,” he said sarcastically. “I’ll give him a choice-- either he does this or my knife finds its way into your neck.”

But he should be babied. He was a baby. He was a child. He shouldn’t be the one to have to save everyone. He shouldn’t have had to die on Titan. He shouldn’t have to give up himself.

“I’ll kill him if he even tries,” Peter promised, sounding angrier than Tony had ever heard him. 

“Tell him to close his eyes-- do whatever. I just need him to go to the girl I’m sending him to and make sure she’s okay. If he does.” 

“You can’t just--.” 

But he could and he did. He shut his eyes and started to chant, his hands glowing orange. Tony grabbed Peter’s hand immediately to try and help anyway he could. Peter already gasped in pain. Tony held his hand tighter. “After this, bud, we are so done with magic and all of this bullshit.” 

Peter had his eyes squeezed shut as he answered through clenched teeth. “Yeah-- it uh, this... _ burns.”  _

“Stop it! Fuck, just leave him alone-- Ste--!” Tony turned his wide eyes to the doorway, hoping someone could come help. 

The man paused his chanting to warn, “I wouldn’t want to be caught now. Stopping halfway through a spell is never good.” 

“Can’t you just fucking wait like everyone else?” Tony wanted to kill him more than anything else in the world, but if messing up the spell risked Peter getting lost forever, he couldn’t take that chance. 

“I’ve done my waiting!” He yelled before continuing back up. 

Tony held onto Peter, wishing he could take on the pain. “You’re okay, kiddo. Just-- just do what you gotta to make it easier.” 

“I’ve-- I’ve gotta follow it, but I-- I don’t want to leave you. It’s not the same like when we practice.” His voice sounded like he was in pain even though Tony could already see it on his face. 

“Hey-- this is just like the training, buddy. You’ve got this. I’m right here for you. I’m not going to let you go,” Tony promised. 

Peter hesitated but nodded his head and then he let out a muffled whimper and he relaxed into Tony’s side. This was normal- just like every other time Peter went in to try and find the stone. Except this time, there were no safety nets. Wong wasn’t here. This wasn’t how they usually did it.

Tony wrapped an arm around him and looked up at the man with a glare. “He’s just a kid.”

“So is my daughter.”

Tony clenched his teeth. “He’s supposed to be saving his strength! How is he supposed to do that if you’re selfishlessly  _ hurting  _ him?” 

“Me being selfish?” The man laughed. “That’s rich coming from you! You’re the one that has the person you lost. You  _ don’t care  _ if this works out because you’ve got your kid-- hell, he’s not even your real kid. Meanwhile, the daughter that I made with my wife, watched grow inside her for 9 months and then raised her every second of her three short years, isn’t here with me. She’s in there! Probably terrified.” 

Tony knew it was frustrating. He knew what it felt like to not know where your kid was. He knew this man was acting out of fear. “She’s probably with your wife. She’ll be okay.” 

“My wife is dead,” he said. “Died the year Maddie was born.” 

Tony’s voice softened. “I’m sorry.” 

The man rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

“I am,” Tony said, “ I am sorry that you lost your wife and now your daughter is gone, but that doesn’t give you the right to come in here, threatening me and scaring the shit out of my kid just for you. He’s been through enough--.”

“Oh, come off of it. Everyone’s been through a lot. You and your little freak-- what makes you two so special? Why the hell does he get to stay? And why with you of all people? I’ve been here since the beginning, working with these people to stop Thanos. Were you? No, you were crying in your ivory tower, drinking yourself to death. You don’t get to come here and act like you’re so much better than everyone. Because you’re not. You gave up. You gave up on us, on him. So, get off your high horse, Stark.” 

“You have no idea what you’re talking about, so I suggest you back off,” Tony warned, despite, knowing that this man was right. The man rolled his eyes. Tony said in a strong voice, “You better hope he finds his way back.”

“I’m sure he will. And if not, that’s your fault. Why the hell would he choose you. Too weak to even get up after the snap. We all lost everything, but you wallowed around in your own self pity. If anything happens to him, it’s  _ your  _ fault.” 

Tony wanted to argue. But he couldn’t. Not when he was right. Again. Tony was weak. He gave up on everything after he lost the kid. He’d been through worse and kept on kicking, but the moment that Peter was gone, he just collapsed. He didn’t want to fight. He didn’t want to live. Not without his kid. 

So, Tony just turned his head away and stared at the spot Peter just was. He didn’t turn his eyes away from that spot until a few long moments later, Peter was back. He was gasping and immediately, his hands tried to grab onto Tony’s shirt, but his hands went right through. “No. No. No. Not again,” he started mumbling, his voice cracking at the end. 

Tony wanted him to be able to hold him but at least he was back. At least he wasn’t gone. “It’s okay, Pete. We’re gonna figure it out. Calm down, buddy. It’s okay.” 

The man leaned in close and Tony put himself in front of Peter protectively. “He’s back? Did he find her? Is she okay?”

Peter was shaking and trying so hard to hold onto Tony, but it wasn’t working. “Mr. Stark-- it’s not...why can’t I?” 

“Shhh, it’s gonna be alright.” 

“What did she say?” The man roared in a blind panic, unknowing to how much pain he put Peter through. Tony wanted to kill him. 

“I saw her-- I think it was her,” Peter said in a small voice. “She looked older.” 

Tony narrowed his eyes at the man. “He saw her. She’s fine, okay?” 

“What did she say? Was she scared?” The man wasn’t threatening anymore. He didn’t look like the man that had been screaming with a knife in his hand only minutes ago. He looked like a desperate father. Part of Tony would have felt bad-- if Peter wasn’t in such agony over it. 

“I told her we were gonna get them back. And that her dad was waiting. I stayed with her as long as I could to calm her down,” Peter continued. 

“He stayed with her for as long as he fucking could. He told he you were waiting for her and she knows we’re going to bring them back. She’s  _ fine.” _

The man let out a deep breath of relief. “Thank you. Thank--.”

“Get out,” Tony growled. 

“I just--.”

“You got what you wanted. Now get the fuck out.” Tony narrowed his eyes. He was definitely going to Wong with this. This asshole shouldn’t be trusted here any longer-- not with the magic he possessed. 

He left the room and if he weren’t about to console a panicking kid, he’d chase him down and bring him to Wong himself. But he wasn’t a danger anymore now that he got what he wanted. Tony was going to make sure he paid for what he did though. 

Once he was gone, Peter let the tears fall. He wrapped his arms around himself, desperate to comfort himself now that he couldn’t get a hug from Tony. “Hey, kid, it’s okay. You’re back. It’s okay. Does-- does it hurt?” 

Peter shook his head, wiping his face with his hands. “I didn’t-- it hurt, but I found her. And, and she was--.” His voice broke in a sob. “She was so scared. She was terrified.” 

“I know--.” 

“No, she-- she’s been in there for years and she doesn’t even have-- she doesn’t have her dad. She was so scared. I tried to tell her it was going to be okay-- but I don’t know if she believed me. It was  _ so weird  _ in there.” 

Tony was trying to decipher all of the words he was saying. Did he see more than just her in that stone? What did he even see? What did that fucking spell  _ do?  _ “I’ve got you, kiddo. It’s okay.” 

Peter shook his head. “I felt it. She was so scared.” 

“Peter--.”

Before he could finish, Peter stilled and looked up at Tony. Tony felt nauseous when he saw the line of blood trailing from his nose. And Tony couldn’t even wipe it away. The glow around Peter was flickering as he pinched his face in pain. “Mr. Stark...I don’t feel so good.” 

Tony’s blood ran cold. He was back on Titan. Those words that had haunted so many of his nightmares were back. The kid was in pain and once again, Tony could do absolutely nothing to help him. “Kid, hang in there. You’re okay--.” 

Peter’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fell onto the bed, on his side. His arm was bent uncomfortably on his side and his hair was a mess and the blood was still on his upper lip. And Tony could do nothing to make the kid anymore comfortable. His hands just went through him. 

“Fuck,” Tony cursed. He needed help-- Peter needed help. But he also need him to stay close by because he was unconscious and Peter said if he was ever too far from Tony he drifted away. Tony doubted he was strong enough to find his way back if he were to be lost. He turned towards the door and with the loudest voice he had, he screamed for help. “Wong! Dammit, someone!”

Steve and Wong both came rushing into the room, dressed in their sleepwear and out of breath. “What’s wrong?”

Of course. They couldn’t see the kid laying in the bed. They didn’t know how bad he looked. 

“Some ass came in here-- did some shit and made him fucking crossover. Fucking held a knife to my throat until the kid agreed.” Tony felt all the anger rush back, grief of a father be damned. 

“Is he gone?” Wong asked fearfully. 

“No-- he made it back, but he was a mess. Crying about how scared the girl was and--.” 

“What girl?” Steve asked. “He saw someone in there?” 

Tony ran a hand through his hair, looking down at Peter. “The guy wanted to see his daughter. Somehow got Peter inside and to her-- though not easily for Peter. Kid was screaming in pain.” 

Wong shook his head. “It’s why we’ve been slowly training to get stronger and stronger. I could have forced him through with enough magic.  _ This  _ is why we didn’t.” 

“Thanks for that, Sherlock!” Tony snapped. “I didn’t really have a choice. Maybe you shouldn’t leave your students uncaged at night.” 

“I told you, Stark. I told you that people would do crazy things for their lost loved ones.” He didn’t sound spiteful, just distraught. 

“I don’t care what you said-- I care about what the fuck is wrong with Peter.” Tony’s hand hovered over him. “I can’t touch-- he needs me. God, he’s a mess.” 

“He’s still here,” Wong said carefully, taking a step closer to the bed. “That’s good. I’m guessing he’s unconscious?” Tony nodded. “It makes sense. He was drained of strength he didn’t even have. Going into the stone like that is taxing on him. And it sounds like the little girl didn’t make it any easier.”   
“What do you mean?” Tony asked, turning to face him. Had the little girl hurt Peter?

“I mean that she was terrified. Did he tell you she was?” 

Nodding frantically, Tony said, “Yeah. He said she was alone. Her mother died when she was born and her father is here so she’s there alone. Father said she was only three. She was scared.” 

“Peter, as I’ve said and as you’ve seen, is very susceptible to emotions in this state. It’s the fear that’s making him want to hold on and his love for you that’s keeping him holding on to  _ you _ . Adding this other child’s emotions to his was most likely extremely overwhelming.”

“What can we do? I don’t even know what to do.” 

“He needs his rest--.”

“That can’t be your answer for everything! Rest and training! That’s all this kid has been doing for days and look where it got him!” Tony cried, his eyes burning. 

Wong didn’t let the outburst bother him and he patiently responded, “I know it’s a lot on him. I wish we didn’t have to rely on a child for this, but it’s the only way to bring everyone back. He’s strong enough.” 

_ Peter was the strong one. Tony wasn’t.  _

“So, we have to wait? We just...wait for him to wake up?” 

Wong sighed heavily and nodded his head. “He should wake up soon. But he’s going to be weak and maybe in slight pain. Please encourage him to just  _ rest _ . I know he’s going to want to run around and try to touch again-- try to touch you for comfort...but the more he tries, the weaker he stays. He just needs to rest.” 

“You really expect Peter Parker to sit still?” Tony’s shoulders slumped in slight relief, knowing that Peter was going to be okay. “You can’t see him, but most of the time when he’s bored and just hanging around, he’s running around jumping on everything he can. I don’t think his body is capable of staying still.” 

Wong gave him a small smile. “He’s going to have to. And you’re going to have to stay in here with him.”

Tony nodded right away, looking Peter and hating how broken he looked. “Sure. Anything for the kid.”

Steve walked over and squeezed his shoulder firmly. “It’s going to be okay, Tony. It’s all going to be okay.”

Tony swallowed down the doubt that was still lingering. “Yeah, how do you know that?”

He shrugged his shoulders with a grin. “Let’s just call it Cap’s Intuition.”

\--

Tony stayed by his side the entire time. Steve came up to bring him food. Wong came up to check in on Peter. But Tony never moved. Not unless he was using the restroom just a few feet away. 

Wong had assured him that he had taken care of the man that had done this. Tony didn’t think it was going to be enough to pay for what he did to Peter. Every time he stared at Peter, still unconscious on the bed with the dried blood flaking off his upper lip. 

Tony looked up at him and was reminded every time that it was his fault. Peter was hurt because of him; he should have fought the guy off and stayed calm so Peter didn’t pick up on his panic. 

He was out for a little over a day when he finally opened his eyes. He was barely coherent, but was finally conscious enough to fix his position and lay down in a more comfortable position. Tony’s eyes widened when he saw him move. 

“Peter!” Tony shouted, hurrying closer, as if that would help. “Can you hear me, buddy?”

Peter groaned, blinking a few times. “Mr. Stark…”

Tony wanted to reach out and grab his hand to give him any sort of comfort. But he couldn’t. “Yeah. It’s Mr. Stark.”

“Hurts,” he mumbled. 

“I know,” Tony said. He was hurt because of Tony. It was Tony’s fault. Alll of it was Tony’s fault. “You’re gonna be okay though. You just have to rest.”

“Sleep?” Peter asked, his eyes fluttering shut, unaware of the guilt eating away at Tony. 

“Yes, kiddo. Sleep.” 

Peter gunted, looking slightly pained, but relaxed again and soon he was unconscious again. Tony hoped he didn’t feel any pain when he was asleep.

The next time Wong came up after that, Tony told him and he seemed happy at the news. Tony was still didn’t think it was going anywhere. When he came back, he’d only be just as scared, even weaker, and there was no way Tony was strong enough to keep him feeling safe. 

He was going to cost Peter his life. 

Tony wasn’t going to be strong enough to keep him from The Dark. Why didn’t he go to someone stronger? Someone better?

Over the next few hours, Peter woke up here and there. He gained a little more strength each time, but all that did was keep him awake for longer. He was still weak and he couldn’t touch anything other than the bed he was laying on. 

Tony had to remind him each time he woke up not to panic. Usually Peter was okay with that and understood. 

But one time he woke up with a pained whine. Tony was already by his side like he always was. “Pete,” he asked, hands hovering over him. “You okay?” 

The kid blinked his eyes open and Tony could see they were glassy with tears. “Scary.”

Tony swallowed past the lump in his throat. “You’re okay. You’re doing great.”

“Can I have a hug?”

Just like every time he asked, it hurt Tony to answer, “No, Peter. We’ve already talked about this. Remember? Trying to touch will only make you weaker.”

“Just one hug,” Peter said, reaching a hand out to Tony. 

Tony watched his fingers wiggle beseechingly and he couldn’t do a thing about it. “I’m sorry, Peter.”

_ “Please,”  _ he begged. 

“Peter, you’re so strong. You can do this. Wong said you’re almost back.” He wiped at his eyes quickly even though Peter wasn’t coherent enough to register the fact that he was crying. “I’m sorry I’m not strong enough to pull you back yet. I’m trying.”  _ I’m not strong enough. _

“I’m scared,” Peter whispered. 

“I know,” Tony said, his voice cracking. “I’m trying to keep you safe. I’m trying. I’m sorry I can’t be better, Peter. I’m sorry-- you desrve better. I know you do.”

When Tony looked back over at him, he saw he was already unconscious again. 

Clint came up to visit him not long after that. He looked down at him and winced. “You look like shit, man.”

“Your kid ever been really sick? Crying and begging for you to make it better, but you can’t do a damn thing?” Tony asked from where he was laying on the bed. 

“Unfortunately.” 

“I can’t take it anymore,” Tony said. 

Clint shifted on his feet. “Anything I can do to help you?”

Tony looked up and him and asked, “Can you bring him back?”

Clint shook his head. “I can do something easier...how about a beer? We can have a drink.”

A drink...Tony smiled. “Please.”

Clint smiled right back. “I’ll go grab us something. Be right back.” 

Tony relaxed when he was out of the room. He knew he shouldn’t. He promised Peter he would stop. But it wasn’t easy to just drop the habit. Especially when Peter wasn't awake to stop him. And drinking made him feel so much better. 

It could take the pain away...and if he didn't feel the pain, maybe Peter wouldn't have to either.

**\--**

“Mr. Stark?” 

Tony cursed under his breath at the weak mumble. Tony turned around and saw him sitting up in bed, staring at him with tired but concerned eyes. He looked just as faint as he’d looked since that asshole shoved him into the stone. He was flickering in and out. Tony was surprised he could even hold himself up. “Just go back to sleep, Pete,” Tony grumbled as he turned back around. 

“What’s wrong?” Peter asked, sounding both worried and even a bit disappointed. “You’re drinking.” 

_ No shit, Sherlock.  _ Tony took another sip of the beer in his hand. “‘M fine.”

“You’re really not,” Peter accused in a weak voice. “Did you forget that I can feel what you’re feeling?”

“Another reminder I’m doing nothing but hurting you.” Tony glared down at the table.

“Mr. Stark, come on. Talk to me,  _ look  _ at me.” He paused, waiting for Tony to listen but sighed when he didn’t move. “You’re not hurting me. You’ve never once hurt me.” 

Tony was silent for a long moment, tugging at the ripped label on the beer bottle. When his finally spoke again, his voice was low. “Why did you choose me?”

“What?” 

“Why did you come to  _ me?  _ Why didn’t you choose a different anchor? May, Rhodey or Happy? I’m not strong enough to help you. You deserve better than me.” 

“I didn’t choose. My soul did. And it chose you.” 

Tony groaned, running a hand through his hair. “Don’t say that. God, you’re screwed seven ways to Sunday if you really rely on me.” 

“How can you say that? You’re the reason I’m even here. You had to hold onto me just as much as I held onto you. You found me too. Who else would hold on that much? I found you for a reason.” 

“You need to find a new anchor.” 

“What?” Peter said, sounding confused. “I can’t just  _ find a new anchor _ . Wong said they’re like a bond and especially ours, is strong.” 

“Then go to Wong. He knows what he’s doing. He’ll be able to protect you.” 

“I don’t want to go to Wong.” 

“Go to Steve then! Hell, go to anyone else in this freaking place. Anyone would be better than me.” 

“I don’t want anyone else.” 

“I don’t care.” Tony squeezed his eyes shut, knowing Peter would never leave on his own. “I don’t want you with me anymore.” 

“What?” Peter asked, his voice small once again. 

“You heard me. I’m tired of you following me around.”  _ Lies.  _

“You don’t mean it,” Peter said, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself than state facts. 

“Yes, I do.” 

“No…” 

It sounded like Peter’s voice was breaking and Tony couldn’t handle it. If he heard the kid start crying, he’d give in. But, neither one of them could afford that. The entire world was depending on Peter to get their loved ones back. Peter needed strength and Tony couldn’t give it to him. Not as well as someone else could. “Find someone else, Peter.” 

“But--.”

“Go!”

For the first time since Peter appeared in front of him, those few days ago, Tony felt cold. He didn’t need to turn around to know that Peter was gone. 

Tony closed his eyes and took the last sip from the bottle. He wasted not even a second before he was opening up the next bottle. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please let me know your thoughts...I'm a little nervous about this fic..   
> Come scream at me on tumblr... @parkrstark!


End file.
